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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 9, 2015
September 9, 2015

“The Kitchen. The Bathroom. The Yin And Yang Of The Household.” - David Holley

Comedienne Nicole Arbour is catching a world of shit for posting this fat shaming video. But here's the uncomfortable truth -- And I say this as a guy who has a couple of extra bowling balls rolling around in his midsection -- virtually everything she says is completely true. Being overweight is a choice for most people. That's not to say you wake up and say to yourself, "I think I'll be fat today." But we certainly make a decision to sit our fat asses on the couch, and we make a decision so not let that extra cheeseburger go to waste, and we make the decision to have just one more beer. Or maybe two more. Either way Nicole Arbour has a phenomenal set of titties.

From the Holy-Shit-That-Got-Expensive-Quick Department: remember me stumping all those cases of surplus 54R ammo? Remember how they used to cost about $80 for a 440 round tin, $166 for an 880 round crate shipped to your door? Well that was then, this is now -- try $200 for a the 440 round tin; and I searched through 5 pages and didn't find a single 880/round case available. That's $0.45/round which is almost THREE TIMES what they cost two years ago. I hope you listened to me when I said get while the getting was good because once the surplus stuff is gone, it's gone.

Though naturally beautiful, driftwood can introduce some threats, like bacteria and sometimes termites, to your home. Thus you should clean driftwood before you use it. Use a high-pressured hose to wash off all soil and dusts in and out of the driftwood. You should be able to run water into the wood's nooks, and scrub off visible algae or mold. Soak the driftwood in a large tub of water filled with diluted bleach water; pour a capful of bleach with every gallon of water. Let the wood soak for several hours or days. Then shake off any debris or similar particles and rinse off the bleach with warm water. Lay your driftwood under a towel or old newspapers to let it dry. After it dries, use it to build your furniture or place it in the desired spot in your home.

On Saturday, Paige VanZant kicked off the main card at UFC 191 by beating Alex Chambers in the third round via armbar submission, and improving her professional record to 6-1. That victory helped teach us two things about Paige VanZant: first, Paige VanZant is a very good fighter. Secondly, Paige VanZant is really hot. And patriotic.

Without much in the way of clues, you've got to be pretty familiar with Key West if you're going to show me where this poor lass sprained her wrist.

Mr. Stewart. Long time visitor to your site. Contributor to LBEH. Quick question(s). What kind of dogs are Ike and Bianca? I couldn't find the answer in the archives. My 12 year old is driving me nuts for a dog. I live in a pretty big townhouse. Any advice? Thanks for you time. -Hugh

Ike is a Patterdale Terrier, and since most people have never seen or heard of the breed before, I simply explain it to people as, "he's like a Jack Russell only spray painted black." Then everyone goes, "Ohhhhh." Bianca is a mixed breed, although as best we can tell her strongest features come from Jack Russell. They are shaped almost exactly the same and look almost identifical except for the equal but opposite color difference. Both are working dogs -- in this case small 20lb breeds used for hunting and vermin control -- meaning they like to be active and chase tennis balls and generally won't waste the day away laying on the couch. Don't worry, you don't need a huge farm to keep these guys occupied; Ike was content for 5 years chasing a tennis ball around my third floor condo in Massachusetts. Both were adopted from shelters and I HEARTILY SUGGEST adopting over buying and I've taken the liberty of performing a search for you. Here are all of the small adult terriers who are house broken and good with small childrn, located within 100 miles of northern Atlanta area. Cora is closest to Ike and Doby is closest to Bianca.

In 1996, Coca-Cola started production of Surge in the United States, with its original whitepaper name being "MDK," or "Mountain Dew Killer." It was developed to converge with Mello Yello as a means of slowing Mountain Dew's growth. Surge was intended to improve on Mountain Dew by using maltodextrin for a longer lasting blast of energy and with bolder brighter presentation. Its release was accompanied by a 50 million dollar nationwide marketing campaign that led to initially high sales and popularity. A few years after the release, sales began to slip, and as a result the Coca-Cola company ceased production of Surge in can and bottle form in 2002. They proceeded to discontinue Surge fountain syrup in 2003. THAT IS, UNTIL NOW. A statement to Coca-Cola's hometown TV news station WSB-TV, the Vice President of Brand and Business Communications for Coca-Cola North America elaborated on Surge's triumphant return, reportedly the result of many years of fan requests for the soda.

What is this posted wanting me to do? Is it saying YOU COME ALONE?

The open air cafe has burnt down. Good one, hard to find cuz it's in the nudie community in Agde, not so many pics. Keep em coming! Chuck

Hey Ernie, The lovely Katya Clover is in Cap d'Agde, a nudist resort in France, (the other photo challenges were also there, girl must love being naked). More pics of her vacation here. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Remember the illegal alien who stole a firearm and shot 32 year old Kathryn Steinle as she was walking by the pier in San Francisco? Well his lawyer says it's not his fault she was killed, it's the gun's fault because because the Sig Sauer had no external safety. Meanwhile, her parents have filed lawsuits against the city of San Francico Sheriff for not enforcing federal immigration laws, the Bureeau of Land Management for losing the firearm in the first place, and Immigrations and Customs Enforcement for not doing their fucking job to begin with.

Bed Head is a line of haircare and nail products distributed by TIGI Linea, a division of Unilever, to distributors and salons worldwide. The United Kingdom-based company, TIGI Linea has been producing the line since the inception of the company in 2003. A line produced by the company, called Boby by Bed Head, was released and is under a UK patent. As of July 2007, the Bed Head product line was chosen to be used by the world famous Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Before starring in the American TV show Passions, Central American actor Adrian Bellani was a spokesperson and model for the products.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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