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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 22, 2015
December 22, 2015

How The Hell Could I Almost Forget An EHOWA Christmas Tradition?!?!

HOLY SHIT, I ALMOST FORGOT THIS YEAR! So thanks to Rick for reminding me to once again issue the DON'T SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT challenge! Remember, the goal is to get a final score as close to 9,999,999 points without rolling over.

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance. As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a $100 dollar bill in his hand. Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and two sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to save two $100 dollars to buy her children Christmas presents. The young boy had been dropped off on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the $100 dollar bills and disappeared into the night. I was mortified. "Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I wondered. The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How loud did you scream?" I inquired. The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!" It was then I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So, I grabbed his other $100 and ran to my car.

In case you missed Space-X making aeronautical history, here is video of Falcon 9, which successfully landed upright on solid ground at Cape Canaveral, Florida yesterday evening, following a flight into space and back. A very difficult maneuver, accomplished tonight for the very first time as part an actual orbital launch with payload deployment and not just a go straight up then straight down "grasshopper" test. Kudos to SpaceX! Truly a watershed moment for the commercial space launch industry and the free market.

Three more days until Christmas! And while most stuff is too late to mail order, if you're looking to do some last minute shopping at your local brick-and-mortar store -- such as Cabelas, Dick's Sporting Goods, Gander Mountain, etc -- you can look them up here to see what last minute deals are going on near you.

We ran across this car this weekend in central Texas and thought you would appreciate. We tried to block out the phone number. After almost ten years I think I found something you would find amusing. Keith

Hey Ernie, Thats's The Good Stuff in Hermosa Beach. There are quite a few of them in the beach area in Los Angeles. I should know as I grew up there. Locals like to call that area Barmosa as it is jammed packed with bars and located in Hermosa Beach. Plenty of good times there. Keep up the good work, and here's $20 for LBEH! Sorry I could not donate earlier as going through a divorce is expensive, but if you don't give you can't expect to receive. Mark

Hey Ernie, You can get some of the good stuff in Hermosa Beach, California. And you can see more of Sindee's good stuff here. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Whenever something goes wrong, I am known for just shrugging my shoulders and saying, "Into every life a little rain must fall." I have the feeling this girl's tattoo is cut from the same cloth, but not an exact match. Any idea what it reads?

Old and busted: The Rock as an awesome dude. The new hotness: The Rock as an awesome father. Hey, say what you want but The Rock is one inspirational motherfucker. And we share the exact same birthday. So Merry Christmas, dude. And much love.

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