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Ernie's House of Whoopass! February 12, 2016
February 12, 2016

We're At A Point Where I'm Starting To Look Forward To Weekends Again.

You know, it's surprisingly challenging to find out who this 800 number belongs to.

Gentle reminder: six police officers killed in seven days; including five by gunfire. Total number of statements by the White House decrying violence against police, or these instances of gun violence? Absolutely fucking ZERO. So while everyday citizens are coming to police officers' aid, Tomi Lahren would like Beyonce to -- in the words of Navy Lieutenant Jordan O'Neil -- kindly suck her dick.

Terror from the Year 5000 is a 1958 American science fiction film directed by Robert J. Gurney Jr. starring Ward Costello, Joyce Holden, John Stratton, Salome Jens and Fred Herrick. The movie follows an international team embarks on an expedition to the moon in an uncommonly spacious rocketship. There they encounter a faceless alien intelligence who conclude that the human race is too immature and dangerous and must be destroyed. American International Pictures released the film as a double feature with The Screaming Skull. Terror from the Year 5000 bears one of the earliest film editing credits for Dede Allen, who went on to a noteworthy career editing The Hustler, Bonnie and Clyde, Dog Day Afternoon

During the years prior to the infamous Clinton Assault Weapons ban, a gun buyer could pick up a Norinco SKS for under $70. At the time, many American gun owners were leery of the inexpensive guns because the quality was unknown. Years later, however, the Nornico SKS has a reputation for being drop dead reliable and has passable accuracy. So if'n you get a hankering for a 1960's era Chinese manufactured -- read "solid as fuck" -- Norinco SKS, the guys at Southern Ohio Guns have some for $329, but let me give you one additional piece of advice: pay the extra $25 for a hand picked one because some of these guns have been issued.

A typical ship's wheel is composed of eight cylindrical wooden spokes (though sometimes as few as six or as many as ten) shaped like balusters and all joined at a central wooden hub or nave, sometimes covered with a brass nave plate, which housed the axle. The square hole at the centre of the hub through which the axle ran is called the drive square and was often lined with a brass plate, which was frequently etched with the name of the wheel's manufacturer. The wood used in construction of this type of ships wheel was most often either teak or mahogany, both of which are very durable tropical hardwoods capable of surviving the effects of salt water spray and regular use without significant decomposition.

Yelp's list of Top 100 Places to Eat in the US for 2016 honors businesses that rank so highly in the Yelp community's opinion that they have earned the status of “must try within this lifetime.” From fancy to casual, long time favorite to new up-and-comer, barbecue to udon, this list runs the gamut of gastronomical experiences.

FRIDAY FLICK: The whole world now knows... my son, Sean Mullen, was kidnapped, for ransom, three days ago. This is a recent photograph of him. Sean, if you're watching, we love you. And this... well, this is what waits for the man that took him. This is your ransom. Two million dollars in unmarked bills, just like you wanted. But this is as close as you'll ever get to it. You'll never see one dollar of this money, because no ransom will ever be paid for my son. Not one dime, not one penny. Instead, I'm offering this money as a reward on your head. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter. So congratulations, you've just become a two million dollar lottery ticket... except the odds are much, much better. Do you know anyone that wouldn't turn you in for two million dollars? I don't think you do. I doubt it. So wherever you go and whatever you do, this money will be tracking you down for all time. And to ensure that it does, to keep interest alive, I'm running a full-page ad in every major newspaper every Sunday... for as long as it takes. But... and this is your last chance... you return my son, alive, uninjured, I'll withdraw the bounty. With any luck you can simply disappear. Understand... you will never see this money. Not one dollar. So you still have a chance to do the right thing. If you don't, well, then, God be with you, because nobody else on this Earth will be.


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Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....


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