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Ernie's House of Whoopass! February 26, 2016
February 26, 2016

This Has Been The Longest Week Of The Year So Far.

Walk down the aisle of a grocery store and you'll see a plethora of bottled water on the shelves. Amidst generic brands and bottles emblazoned with mountains and tranquil scenes are sleek plastic vessels simply labeled "smartwater." The tagline "H20 with a 4.0" is on the inside of the bottle, though smartwater doesn't make any claims on its bottle that Smartwater improves mental function in any way.

You want to see fucking absurd? You want to fucking stupid? You want to see fucking dangerous? Scroll down and play the first fucking video for these guys, it's fucking hysterical. So for those of you here on Planet Reality, who are still jelly over my $189 Taurus PT-111 Millennium Pro G2 -- which has been very tough to find lately due to it's low cost -- Kentucky Gun Company has some they are selling them for $209 shipped. It's tough to find more, well, bang for your buck. Presume you don't plan on defending yourself with an app.

The Belgian draft horse, also known as Belgian Heavy Horse, is a draft horse breed from the Brabant region of modern Belgium. Typically standing stands between 16.2 and 17 hands tall -- 66 and 68 inches -- and weighing slightly over 2,000 pounds, it is one of the strongest of the heavy breeds. Belgians are still used as working animals, but have also become popular as show horses, and pleasure riding horses. Belgian horses are able to pull tremendous weights; at the National Western Stock Show in Denver, Colorado, a team of two horses in the Heavyweight class pulled 17,000 pounds a distance of 7 ft 2 in. And while this horse drawn carriage probably isn't quite that heavy, I'd still like you to find it on Streetview.

This Oscar for Best Picture Mashup is only a little over two minutes long, and provides a quick brush-up on: The Big Short, Bridge of Spies, Brooklyn, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Martian, The Revenant, Room, and Spotlight, you could probably do worse.

Hey Ernie, DHL is making a delivery to the Paunsdorf Center in Leipzig, Germany. Not much to see in the Street View, but you can make out the red McDonald's umbrellas in the satellite view, which are furled in your photo. You can see more of the young lady taking her hotdog bun for a lap here. I got a late start on this one, but Mr. Whippy is at Pleasure Beach, Blackpool, England. There are more shots of her here . BTW My hats off to Rick for finding the Hotel Salyut, I spent the WHOLE FUCKING DAY looking for that location and couldn't find shit. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Hey Ernie. I want to buy my girl a new pair of high heeled boots for her b'day. I understand this store sells them but I can't seem to locate it. Can anyone help me out? D

And I've actually got a handful of people who were able to track down the treet in which this bicycle is chained to. So while I can't promise Victoria's Secret gift cards to anyone, I can promise I'm going to compile the emails and post them on Monday. In the meantime, where is this ONE WAY sign?

FRIDAY FLICK; "This record here's about twelve years old. Parliament buried it and it stayed buried until River here dug it up. This is what they were afraid she knew. And they were right to fear. There's a universe of folk who're gonna know it, too. Someone *has to* speak for these people. Y'all got on this boat for different reasons, but y'all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten? They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave." Normally I use Youtube links, but I couldn't find Serenity there, so I have to use this one instead. Also, here are all of the episodes from the series and if you're a fan, some some subtle (and some not so subtle) Firefly references on Fillion's next show, Castle. You're welcome.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite So My Dad Is Visiting Fo...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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