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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 1, 2016
March 1, 2016

The Return Of A Tasteless Tuesday Classic. Which Seems Fitting For Super Tuesday, No?

"High School was out for the summer. I was 17 years old I was hanging out with 5 friends. We were trying to think of something fun to do. We all decided to walk over to someones house several blocks away. We had walked about 2 or 3 blocks when we discovered a large brown dog laying in the street next to the curb. At first we thought the dog was asleep. We decided to wake the dog up because we were afraid the dog might get run over by a car. The dog would not wake up because it was dead. There was no blood and no injuries. We all stood around and talked for awhile about what to do with the dog. Someone mentioned putting the dog in the middle of the street like it was asleep and cars would honk their horns to try and wake up the dog.

Then I suggested proping the dog up with something to make it look like it was about to walk out in front of a car and the cars would slam on the brakes and swerve to the other side of the street to avoid hitting the dog. We made several attempts to prop the dog up but it would not stand up. Then one of the guys suggested taking the dog to his house and putting it in the deep freeze. His parents were gone for the week and would never know the dog had been in the freezer. We put the dog in the deep freeze on its back with its four legs sticking straight up. After two days we took the frozen dog out of the freezer and put it in the trunk of my car. We drove out of town a few miles and parked the car on a dirt side road. We placed the frozen dog next to the highway like it was getting ready to walk across the road. The six of us hid in the tall weeds next to the highway and watched.

On coming cars would slow down and pull over to the other side of the highway. People that didn't see the dog until the last second would slam on their breaks. Everyone would hank their horn and roll down their window and yell at the dog to get out of the way or get off the road. We all laughed so hard we all got stomach cramps and one of the guys wet his pants. After about 30 minutes we were all laughed out and couldn't laugh any more. We decided to get the dog off the highway and go home but we didn't want to be seen because we might get into trouble. We waited and watched hoping for a time when there were no cars coming so we could get the dog without being seen.

Before long, a black car was coming down the highway.

As the black car approached the dog we all heard the driver step on the gas peddle and accelerate to pick up speed. The black car swerved to the side of the road and ran straight into the frozen dog on purpose. We could see the hood of the car flew up when it hit the dog. There was a loud boom and the car came to a stop a few hundred feet down the road. The driver got out of the car to take a look. We were all still hiding in the weeds and scared to death we would get in trouble. After several minutes I told the guys that I was going to walk down there and see what happened. The guys all said no but I told them there was no way that guy could prove I had anything to do with this, and the driver doesn't know me from Adam anyone. I walked down the road and one of the other guys came with me. We got to the car and ask the guy what was going on. He said he had run over a dog and it destoyed his car.

We looked at the damage and talked for several minutes. The frozen dog had gone through the grill of the car and hit the radiator. The radiator was smashed and wrapped around the front of the engine. The dog slid up over the engine and ripped of the carborator and distributor then slamed into the firewall breaking out the front window. There was a bend in the car hood where the dog had hit the hood. After several minutes the other guys all came to take a look at the damage. The dog was still frozen hard as stone and all 4 legs were now broken in several places. The owner of the car made a comment about how he hates dogs and he runs over all the dogs he can. One of the guys with us got mad and started yelling at the car owner about running over the dog on purpose. Thats when we all decided its time to get out of there.

Three of us started walking to my car and two of the other guys came along just seconds later while the last guy kept yelling at the car owner about running over the dog on purpose. The 5 of us got into my car and pulled up to the side of the highway and waited for an opportunity to pull out. The last guy saw we were about to leave him and came running and jumped into the the car with us. We drove away leaving the black car and its owner setting along the side or the highway." ~ unknown

Hey Ernie, The shoe store getting it's windows washed by the bare-nekkid lady is Ehrenstrasse 84, 50672 Cologne, Germany. Once again, Germany fucks us with no Street View, but it is the shop between the Boogs Home Shop and the Replay Shop. If you go to this page and compare the architectural details to the building to the left of Replay, you can see they match. Keep 'em coming, (the usual) Tim

Hey Ernie, Your blonde is looking out from one of these windows at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. (not the usual) Tim

Metzgerei Meisinger is a German butcher shop with two locations, neither of which is viewable on street view that I can tell. I did find their site however. Cameron.

Oh Cameron, so close. So what you're saying is you've narrowed it down to either this location, or this location, but have no way of telling which one? Hint: don't forget to use Yelp to drive the last nail into the coffin. I'm afraid you don't win the free car behind door number three, and must therefore take the bus home. I'll pick you up at this stop, if you can find it.

While running the 40-yard dash at the NFL combine in Indianapolis, something must have ripped in Mississippi State‘s defensive lineman Chris Jones' shorts, because his cock and balls came flying out in front of the world.

A schnitzel is meat, thinned by pounding with a meat tenderizer, coated with flour, beaten eggs and bread crumbs, and then fried. Originating in Austria, it is popular in many countries and made using either veal, mutton, chicken, beef, turkey, reindeer or pork. In Germany, Schnitzel is usually made of pork, and served with French fries, potato mash, or wedge potatoes. The dish has been extremely popular since the end of the Second World War. I'd love to meet this girl and buy her a nice schnitzel dinner. Where am I heading?

In addition to selling ammo by the pallet -- yes, the fucking pallet of 50,000 rounds -- Freedom Munitions sells "regular" size 1,000 round cases for cheap $$$ and as an added bonus, free shipping on your first order.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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