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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 13, 2016
July 13, 2016

For Virtually All Of This Morning, I Thought It Was Friday. Imagine How Disappointed I am.

I suppose deep down on some level I consider myself a native New Yorker, wince I spent the first nineteen years of my life there. And when I say New Yorker, I don't mean what the rest of the country considers a New Yorker, I mean I'm from upstate New York. And let me tell you, the people from upstate New York don't like being associated with the folks from New York City, for obvious reasons. So I think I've worked out a solution that the USAF can help us with, if they'd be so kind as to loan me one of their B-63 variable yield nuclear bombs, cranked all the way up to 1.2 megatons. Proper placement can rid us of this menace once and for all, while preserving both Newark and JFK international airports, and the Bronx zoo.

Red Sox slugger David Fucking Ortiz gave the greatest fucking fareweell speech of all fucking time. So long, Big Papi, we love you man.

Crystal Geyser Water Company is a private company based in California that produces sparkling mineral water and other beverage products. It is a wholly owned subsidiary of Japanese pharmaceutical company, Otsuka Holdings. The company has planned to bottle water from an aquifer in Mount Shasta, California, but many local residents have criticized the plan. There is another water bottling company called Crystal Geyser in New Hampshire; however the two companies are not affiliated.

If you have strong Google Fu, you can show me exactly where this woman was walking at exactly 4:05pm.

Hey Ernie, Didn't see that anyone responded to your query about this wedding dance. Here in Ohio we call this The Grand March. Hope all is well. Jeff

The car in the pic with the chick in fishnets is a 1980s Ford Capri MkIII. It's left hand drive but I can't see enough of the tag color to know what country. Probably Germany cause you know them people like being nekkid outside! Huey

That is a European Ford Capri. Looks like a Mk 3...which would make it mid 1980s. Last one was 1986 I believe. I lovingly owned many Capris. The North American version was a piece of shit and doesn't deserve to carry the name. Hope your ankle is on the mend. Good luck, get well. airdave (Ontario Canada)

If you have strong Google Fu, you can show me exactly where this woman refueled her black SUV.

An electric frying pan or electric skillet incorporates an electric heating element into the frying pan itself and so can function independently off of a cooking stove. Accordingly, it has heat-insulated legs for standing on a countertop. Electric frying pans are common in shapes that are unusual for 'unpowered' frying pans, notably square and rectangular. Most are designed with straighter sides than their stovetop cousins and include a lid. A modern electric skillet has an additional advantage over the stovetop version: heat regulation. The detachable power cord/unit incorporates a thermostatic control for maintaining the desired temperature.

Hot off the presses for today -- now I dunno how long that's going to remain on the front page, so get a move on!


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