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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 15, 2016
November 15, 2016

Ernie's Law of Inverse Proportions States....

... That the size of a group complaining about a certain thing, is exponentially smaller than the group complaining about the group complaining about that certain thing. Examples: The number of people who actually complain about Tim Tebow praying is dwarfed by the number of people who complain about people who complain about Tim Tebow praying. The number of people who complain about breast feeding in public is a far cry from the number of people who complain about people who complain about breast feeding in public. See also: people offended by the Washington Redskins, people who think the new Ghostbusters tanked because of misogyny, people who said "racism was dead in America", and people offended by Stabucks holiday cups.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bakery. As soon as they enter, Hillary steals three donuts and puts them in her pocket. She remarks to Trump, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election. Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, crooked Hillary. I am going to show you a more honest way to get the same result. Donald goes to the owner of the shop and says, "Give me a donut and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a donut. Trump eats it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third donut and eats it too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the donuts?" Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket."

So I decided to string together some Donald Trump jokes today, and I have to admit it was kind of challenging to do. Not for the lack of Trump Jokes, but because 99% of them are recycled jokes. In addition to anything with a punchlines that contains "Hair Force One" or "Orange Is The New Black/Barack" here are some examples:

Q. If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?
A. America

Q. What's the difference between God and Donald Trump?
A. God doesn't think he's Donald Trump.

The first one you can simply replace Trump/Clinton with pretty much any politicians name, and the second is originally a pilot joke. So I've spent some time looking around and here are the NEW Trump jokes I've managed to staumble across. You may know others, but trust me, they're retreads.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven. St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?" "Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter. The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."

The Yamaha Vino 125 is a scooter introduced by Yamaha Motor Company in 2004 as a larger brother to the 49 cc Yamaha Vino/Vino Classic, replacing the Yamaha Riva 125 (XC125) scooter. Little has changed since the 2004 introduction of the Vino 125 with the exception of color choices. Because of the engine size and top speed, in many US States, the Vino 125 requires a motorcycle license to legally operate. The Vino 125 has a relatively low seat height, making it popular among smaller riders. The Vino has a very similar counterpart in Thailand, called Fino, which looks almost identical.

Q. How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans?
A. Juan by Juan

Q. Why does The Donald take Xanax?
A. For Hispanic attacks

Q. Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
A. Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Q. What do a thong and Donald Trump's toupee have in common?
A. They both barely cover an asshole.

Q. What does Melania see in Donald Trump?
A. Six billion dollars and high cholesterol.

Q. How do you know you're reading one of Donald Trumps books?
A. It starts on Chapter 11.

Q. What is the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about?
A. All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.

Q. What does Donald Trump and a pornstar have in common?
A. They are both experts at switching positions in front of a camera.

Did you know the little hole in the window of planes actually has two purposes: first the hole helps when the plane climbs in altitude to balance the air pressure and second is that the extra air flow helps the windows from fogging up so when you fight for the window seat you can actually see out of it. And did you know those indentations at the bottom of wine and champagne bottles actually help with the pressure the bottle endures during the corking process. The bottom is one of the weakest spots on a bottle, and these indentations help support the pressure in it's weakest point. All this knowledge and more awaits you here.

Oh, and I have to meet this chick at this bar for a drink. Where am I headed to?

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