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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
June 21, 2016

Sometimes I Think I'd Sleep Better if I Didn't Look.

Old and busted: woman sailing around the world with her pet cat. The new hotness: man sailing around thw world with his pet chicken. Cock.

Georgia Pacific's Compact coreless bath tissue is the answer to your core needs. Specifically designed to increase tissue capacity, Compact allows you to convert existing dispensers with the use of specially designed dispenser spindles. Up to twice the capacity means less maintenance intervals and reduced risk of product run-outs for improved patron satisfaction. Compact's unique packaging reduces inventory space required and makes storage and retrieval of product for refill much easier verses standard tissue in large corrugated boxes. This cost-effective coreless tissue will satisfy all of your customer and employee needs.

So Grab-A-Gun has some pretty sweet deals going on right now, including a $55,000 ten-barreled Gatling gun chambered in 45-70 Government.

Seven-ball is a contemporary rotation pool game with rules similar to nine-ball, though it differs in two key ways: the game uses only seven object balls as implied by its name, and play is restricted to particular pockets of the table. At the start of the game, balls one through seven are racked in a hexagonal configuration, with the 1-ball placed at the rack's apex, centered over the table's foot spot, the 7-ball placed at the rack's center, and all other balls placed clockwise. Immediately following the break shot, the opponent must elect three pockets along one of the table's long rails, and the player who broke is automatically assigned the three pockets situated along the opposite long rail. Once that selection is made, balls 1–6 may be pocketed in any pocket in rotation, starting with the one, as the object ball. Pocketing the 7-ball in any other pocket than the called side is a loss.

Hey I appreciate all of these topless photos from the Cosmopolitan balconies as much as the next guy, but this looks wholely unsafe, and I'm sure hotel management would not approve.

Hey Ernie, this one was a bitch, I googled all the names on the green building "kvetinarstvi vokovicke dekorace otevrene", thinking it was an Irish Pub, but no, "kvetinarstvi" means "florist". So, I spent a couple hours looking at florists around Prague, no matches. Then I found a photo set that showed an apartment building with a Coca Cola sign, a building with "C.A. Systems" and New China Town restaurant, still nothing. The watermark indicates the photos were from 2005, so the info was 11 years old. I finally just started looking around til I found the building that had the Coca Cola sign (no longer there) and found the florist, which did have all the words on it I had googled, anyway, here's your covered bus stop. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Asking you to find the origin of this photo would be too easy; it's DiMillo's on the Water right in downtown Portland. And for some reason, this photo looks familiar? Have I already asked you to identify what brand of beer this is? Also here are two as of yet, still unaccomplished photo challenges. Or, if anyone did sent in a solution, this is your formal request to re-submit: identify this blurred posted - identify this small airport.

So it's been 52 years worst of the Cleveland Sports Curse, so is it any wonder fans destroyed a cop car in celebration?

During a crash event, the vehicle's crash sensor(s) provide crucial information to the airbag electronic controller unit (ECU), including collision type, angle and severity of impact. Using this information, the airbag electronic controller unit's crash algorithm determines if the crash event meets the criteria for deployment and triggers various firing circuits to deploy one or more airbag modules within the vehicle. Working as a supplemental restraint system to the vehicle's seatbelt systems, airbag module deployments are triggered through a pyrotechnic process that is designed to be used once. The first commercial designs were introduced in passenger automobiles during the 1970s with limited success. Broad commercial adoption of airbags occurred in many markets during the late 1980s and early 1990s with a driver airbag, and a front passenger airbag as well on some cars; and many modern vehicles now include six or more units.

June 20, 2016

Sheriff Mike Scott of Lee County, Florida Has A Little Something To Say.

"In predictable fashion, President Obama and his acolytes immediately responded to the recent tragedy in Orlando by blaming guns. In turn, gun and ammo sales skyrocket, as they have in every instance prior; making Obama's rhetoric once again largely responsible for record numbers of guns and ammo flying off shelves across this nation. Mere hours before hundreds were killed by ISIS in the gun-free zone of Paris, Obama is on record declaring ISIS as being “contained.” Recall, not long ago he referred to them as the JV Team. More aggression would follow, demonstrating he hasn't a clue and that ISIS is not “on defense” as he also stated publically; they are very much “on offense.” Every law abiding citizen in this country has and should have the right to protect themselves, their business, and their family. The first responder is rarely a law enforcement officer…the first responder is typically the victim. Those who think terrorists or anyone else that is mentally insane or criminally inclined will comply with new gun laws are sadly mistaken. Televised beheadings involved knives, Oklahoma City involved fertilizer, 9/11 involved airplanes, and the Boston Marathon involved pipes. Need we more examples of the resolve to do damage with or without guns? If you look like food, you will be eaten and increasingly so over the last (8) years, examples of our vulnerability abound under a Shepherd and some sheep who seem unable or unwilling to realize that the wolf is not a gun. My team and I operate a fantastic, indoor shooting facility in addition to other great shooting facilities in SW Florida that are privately operated. I encourage firearms familiarization and training for the law abiding citizens that are so inclined, and concealed carry applications are available at my offices around the county. Additionally, we are happy to visit businesses, places of worship, or community groups with personal safety and situational awareness presentations that I know you would find interesting and helpful." - Sheriff Mike

From the I-Ain't-Just-Whistling-Dixie Department: one gun store warehouse in Pennsylvania sold over 30,000 AR-15s in under a week, following the Orlando terror attack.

And since we're getting into rainy season down here, it's important that I find a covered bus stop. Can you show me where this one is?

I believe your tacos are at the Cafe Coyote in San Diego CA. Cynthia

Ernie says: Bzzzzzt! Sorry, not the right place. Notice the bar doesn't match.

I do believe you can find your Taco Tuesday deal at the Coyote Bar in Hong Kong. The inside pictures show the same blue bar. Ben

Professional golfer and all around lucky son-of-a-bitch Dustin Johnson shot a 69 in his final round at Oakmont Country Club, coming from four strokes back to win the 2016 U.S. Open. It was a pretty great ending to the 116th edition of the tournament, partly because it saw Johnson earn some redemption after his heartbreaking loss on the final hole of last year's U.S. Open, and also because it gave us plenty of his uber hot wife Paulina Gretzky, walking in a short white dress. Also, I'm pretty sure she was going commando.

Smoothie King is a smoothie food retailer that caters blended fruit-based drinks. First opening in 1973 as a stand-alone vitamin shop in Kenner, Louisiana, Smoothie King now encompasses over 600 locations -- show me where this one is located.

Pretty sure I'm not a volunteer for this -- Russian confidence drills with live humans. Randy

That Stanley product is a Plugmax indoor 6-outlet wall adapter available for $5.99 at Walmart. Jeffrey

Old and busted: sushi burritos and sushi burgers. The new hotness: sushi donuts.

So being away from my bros up north had made me a little homesick and I'd like to get a picture frame to display a few photos from back in the day to cheer myself up. I'm looking for this triple spot frame, but can only find this one with the wrong font, and this one which is only a double. Can you find the one I'm looking for?

June 18, 2016

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

trey gowdy has questions regarding the no-fly-list and due process

starbucks cards have more stored money on them than some banks have in deposits

while not quite 3800 lumens, these ultra bright CREE LED flashlights are a steal at $2.99 + $1 shipping

because owning only one jet is for poor people, floyd mayweather has done got himself a second ridiculous private plane

your weekend boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve - thirteen

June 17, 2016

Tonight This Kid Has Got A Kitchen Pass And A New Jar Of White Lightning.

Everybody loves tacos, especially me. And since this bar placard says this place has a special going on for Taco Tueasday, show me where I'm headed to!

Building upon the Tales From the Crypt story from the 15th, today's FRIDAY FLICK is Creepshow 2. And little added bonus for you: During the second segment, "The Raft" -- which is my personal favorite since you get to see one of the green and white Double Mint Twin's tits at 54m -- Laverne is wearing a shirt from Horlicks University, which is the same university stenciled on the crate from the original Creepshow. Creepshow 2 was followed by an unofficial sequel in 2006 -- which had no involvement from Stephen King or George Romero -- titled Creepshow III. Creepshow make-up artist and Creepshow 2 actor Tom Savini stated that he considers Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990) the real Creepshow 3.

Fortnum and Mason is an upmarket department store situated in central London, with an additional store at St Pancras railway station, Heathrow T5, Dubai and various stockists worldwide. Its headquarters is located at 181 Piccadilly, where it was established in 1707 by William Fortnum and Hugh Mason. It is privately owned by Wittington Investments Ltd. Founded as a grocery store, Fortnum's reputation was built on supplying quality food, and saw rapid growth throughout the Victorian era. Though Fortnum's developed into a department store, it continues to focus on stocking a variety of exotic, speciality and also basic provisions. Fortnum and Mason is famed for its loose-leaf tea and its world-renowned luxury picnic hampers, which the store first distributed to Victorian High Society for events such as the Henley Regatta and Ascot Races.

Stanley Black and Decker, formerly known as The Stanley Works, is a Fortune 500 American manufacturer of industrial tools and household hardware and provider of security products and locks headquartered in New Britain, Connecticut. See if you can figure out what Stanley product is for sale, and how much it costs.

June 16, 2016

Misinformation. How Many Fucking Times DO I have To Rail Against Misinformation?

So I was goofing around on Ebay this morning and stumbled across something that brought me back to my teenage years: railroad spikes. You see, back in the day me and the kids I grew up with would meet at my house on Marlow street and walk the railroad tracks to the bike trails by the barge canal about a mile and a half from my house. Along the way we'd get ourselves into all sorts of adventures/trouble. I jumped on Streetview and was able to pull up this. Now that big round tower -- not the DEA water tower on the left, but the concrete cylinder that's about three stories tall -- was at one point a coal fired boiler. At the base of it, just to the right was a big ass coal bunker, dug into the ground almost like a root cellar. it was about twenty feet square, four feet tall or so, and about half full of unused coal, weeds, dead animals, and who the fuck knows what else. At the time there were a functioning set of metal stairs that you could climb to get to the top of the tower. From there we would get a running start and run and jump over to the brick building on the left. It was about a fifteen foot gap, which we wouldn't have been able to make if the roof had not been about ten feet lower than the top of the boiler. At the base between the two structures were all sorts of things to fuck you up if you didn't make it: discarded scaffolding, a rusted out truck chassis, scrap metal, that sort of shit. Just to the right of that boiler, used to be a big fucking warehouse with triangular sky lights which weren't altogether unlike the ones from the Monroeville Mall in the original Dawn of the Dead. We used to stop at McDonalds along the way and buy burgers, and then climb up and 'picnic' on the warehouse roof.

Anyway, railroad spikes. It wasn't uncommon to find them along our hike down the tracks. Usually they were old and beaten up, probably unintentionally dropped by some tired railroad worker. But every once in awhile you found one that must have fallen off the unused pile and it was quite the keepsake. What I didn't know is that railroad spikes are actually coveted by come adults as well. This guy forges them into knives, and this guy machines them into bottle openers.

Marley and Me had a DVD release date of March 31, 2009, and since the shelf space it is taking up suggests it as a new release, that should be a decent guess. And OMG, Florida. And good luck with your shiny turd election in the fall. Thank God I am Canadian. Glen

I believe it is a hat from Buldozer, a Yugoslav band from the 70's. Pete

Oh before we go any further, what's the cheapest I can find this bathroom scale?

The cold hard truth is, terrorism is here on our shores. Nevertheless, unless you work for the New York Times, you already knew that. And let's get one thing out the way first; the odds of you getting caught up in a domestic terror attack are pretty goddamn low. But should the unthinkable occur, what stops this methodical and orderly killing? Disruption. So as the old saying goes, fortune favors the prepared, so what's the right carry gun to protect yourself in this new era? Well, the author recommended Sig P229 starts out around $700 and works its way up from there based upon your choice of finish, grips, sights, and other goodies.

Sometimes I Think I'd Sleep Better if I Didn'...

Sheriff Mike Scott of Lee County, Florida Has...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Tonight This Kid Has Got A Kitchen Pass And A...

Misinformation. How Many Fucking Times DO I h...

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