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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
April 25, 2015

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

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April 24, 2015

No One Knows What it's Like To Be The Saad Maan. Well, Except Him.

IMPORTANT SHIT: There is a reason that one of the most important rules of firearm safety is to keep your gun pointed in a safe direction at all times. This is true whether the gun is unloaded, your finger is off the trigger, or if the safety is on. Sometimes, it's especially true if you think your safety is activated. A viral video uploaded to YouTube last Friday has quickly garnered more than 800,000 views, along with raising a fair bit of concern for shotgun owners. The gun owner demonstrates a rare and extremely hazardous malfunction for the Winchester SXP shotgun. Winchester immediately addressed the issue by stating that a small number of SXP shotguns may be prone to this type of all malfunction, and to be safe, has issued a recall on all SXP models that are affected. This includes the SXP Waterfowl Hunter, Black Shadow, Turkey Hunter, and Long Beard. All recalled models are in 12 gauge with a 3 1/2-inch chamber with barrel lengths ranging from 24 to 28 inches. SO IF YOU OWN ONE, GET THAT SHIT FIXED PRONTO.

Billabong International Limited is a surf company, primarily a clothing retailer that also produces accessories, like watches and backpacks and skateboard and snowboard products under other brand-names. Founded in 1973 by Gordon and Rena Merchant, the company first traded on the Australian Securities Exchange on 11 August 2000. The name "billabong" is derived from the Wiradjuri word "bilaba?" that refers to a "creek that runs only during the rainy season". As of September 2013, Von Zipper, and Element are two of the prominent brands that Billabong owns.

If they were to make a movie out of the upcoming Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, it would probably be Gone in 60 Seconds. Seriously. The entire fucking fight, the entire fucking MGM Grand Garden Arena with its seating capacity of 16,800, completely sold out in under one minute flat.

Yellow Submarine is a 1968 British animated musical fantasy comedy film inspired by the music of the Beatles. The film was directed by animation producer George Dunning, and produced by United Artists and King Features Syndicate. Initial press reports stated that the Beatles themselves would provide their own character voices; however, aside from composing and performing the songs, the real Beatles participated only in the closing scene of the film, while their cartoon counterparts were voiced by other actors. Yellow Submarine received a widely positive reception from critics and audiences alike. It is also credited with bringing more interest in animation as a serious art form.

This was painted by a friend of mine. If you think it worthy, would you please share it on EHOWA? Thanks! Jan

Hey Ernie, The movie is "Coming Soon" from 1999. If you check the IMDB link, the four people listed on the screen are about 2/3 of the way down. Scott

The Son of Man is a 1964 painting by the Belgian surrealist painter René Magritte. Magritte painted it as a self-portrait. The painting consists of a man in an overcoat and a bowler hat standing in front of a low wall, beyond which is the sea and a cloudy sky. The man's face is largely obscured by a hovering green apple. However, the man's eyes can be seen peeking over the edge of the apple. Another subtle feature is that the man's left arm appears to bend backwards at the elbow.

Heading to the City of Angels in the near future and don't want to stay at a chain hotel? Consider a night in Kurt Cobain's old apartment for $290/night.

Nivea is a global skin- and body-care brand that is owned by the German company Beiersdorf. The company was founded on March 28, 1882, by pharmacist Carl Paul Beiersdorf. In 1900, the new owner Oskar Troplowitz developed a water-in-oil emulsion as a skin cream with Eucerit, the first stable emulsion of its kind. This was the basis for Eucerin and later, Nivea; stemming from the Latin word niveus/nivea/niveum, meaning 'snow-white'. During the 1930s, Beiersdorf began producing such products as tanning oils, shaving creams, shampoo and facial toners. The trademark "Nivea" was expropriated in many countries following World War II. Beiersdorf completed buying back the confiscated trademark rights in 1997.

Not sure if true, but hilariously funny regardless. "Hillary furious as thousands of Americans send cigars to her office" Jon

Well Ernie I'm about 99% positive that the car behind Tit's McGee is a 1998 Mazda Protege... Daniel

YJust so we're clear, I think Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell is a fucking cunt.

Bliss is the name of the default computer wallpaper of Microsoft's Windows XP operating system. Former National Geographic photographer Charles O'Rear, a resident of the nearby Napa Valley, took the photo on film with a medium-format camera while on his way to visit his girlfriend in 1996. It is an image of a rolling green hill, a blue sky with cumulus and cirrus clouds. The landscape depicted is in the Los Carneros American Viticultural Area of Sonoma County, California, United States. While it was widely believed later that the image was digitally manipulated or even created with software such as Adobe Photoshop, O'Rear says it never was.

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April 23, 2015

It Keps The Hot Side Hot, And The Cool Side Cool.

I remember getting my first job when I turned 16. Well, aside from paper routes, but those don't really count. It was at the McDonalds on the corner of Lyell Avenue and Mt Read Blvd in Rochester; the building has long since been demolished and the lot repurposed, in fact these four red brick pillars are what's left of what used to be the playground. And it was the old school playground, too. The one where every child was under the watchful eye of the shin busting Mayor McCheese.

One of the things I distinctly remember about getting hired were the training films. Those horribly cheesy -- pardon the pun -- giant ass betamax tapes that were supposed to teach you how to make a Big Mac, or a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, or how to prep and slice tomatoes, or how to run the cash register properly. Yes, these videos were absolutely awful, but at the same time that's what made them so memorable.

In fact if memory serves me correctly, making a set of Big Macs goes like this: drop 12 pieces of 10:1 meat and hit the timer. Pull six Big Mac buns and separate -- heels on a bun tray (lined with one sheet of butchers paper), middles onto the top shelf of the bun toaster, set the crowns aside; slide the bun try into the bottom of the bun toaster and pull the lid down. Sear the 10:1 meat; prep condiments and make sure everything is at the ready. Buns are done; slide the six middle pieces off the toaster onto the same bun tray as the heels. First side of meat is done, flip meat. Crowns into the top of the toaster. One shot of Mac sauce each bun. One pinch of reconstituted onions each bun. Salt meat. Pile of lettuce each bun. Add two sliced picked to the middle sections of bun. Pull meat; two at a time, shake off excess grease, one piece of meat per bun. Pull crowns and top off mid sections; place mid sections on top of heels and BOOM, six fresh Big Macs.

There's an old saying that once you work for a fast food restaurant, you'd never eat there again. That wasn't true for the fast food places of my youthful era. They served honest to goodness good food. Now this isn't to suggest that McDonalds was healthy per se, a greasy burger is still a cholesterol bomb no matter what era it's made in. In fact, when you chomped down into one of my Big Macs, hot grease likely ran down your chin. But at least you got what you were paying for -- a honest to goodness greasy goddamned burger -- and it was hot and fresh and everything was as advertised. Not the mass produced shit they're churning out today, where the meat patties are cooked half an hour earlier and left to marinate in some skanky grease tray until they congeal into one slab of unimeat.

So I can't that I'm altogether surprised that Big Ron's Steak House has found themselves falling upon hard times. And no, I don't think offering breakfast all day is the turn around. And no, I don't think offering a limited time pico de gallo guacamole smoked cheddar bacon cheese jalapeno stuffed 1/3 pound mushroom angus burger is going to hep them turn the corner. I'd say get back to the fucking basics, man. Get back to selling edible food. And bring back the fucking McDLT.

Awww, this nice lady seems to have dumped some her instant coffee on the floor. Good luck sweeping it all up, having done the same in the past, I can tell you it's a pain in the ass to get all of that fine brown powder. So tell me fair reader, if I were to send her a new jar to replace what she lost, what brand am I shopping for?

Aloha Ernie, I've got crabs, Enjoy, Carrie

Not sure if they'll do the good words but there's only one way to find out. Cheers, Pete.

I ordered my Tundra MANSPAKL badge, so we'll see how it turns out. I was going to get one for The Boss Lady, but decided to go a different route; one of the best ways into a woman's heart is to share similar interests. For example, watching a movie she likes. Can you name a movie on this girl's must-watch list?

One of the key moments in Kate Upton's meteoric rise to superstardom happened back in 2012, when America's Creepy Uncle Terry Richardson released a video of the model doing the “Cat Daddy.” The video was integral to her continued fame, but Upton revealed that she was less than pleased when it first came out. But I guess a multimillion dollar career will have a way of smoothing over the rough patches of how you got there.

Spaghetti and garlic bread form a traditional pairing that may seem inseparable if featured regularly in your culinary routine. Just as you can opt to serve a fresh green salad with spaghetti, garlic bread makes an ideal accompaniment for a range of other dishes. Certain foods are particularly well-suited to its crispy texture and piquant flavor, including beans, tomatoes, roasted vegetables, tender leafy greens, steak, chicken and seafood. Use garlic bread to make a light meal more satisfying, or serve it alongside meat or poultry instead of the usual main course starches.

Good Morning. I am going to take a SWAG ( Scientific Wild Ass Guess ) that the chick in flats is at some event in Times Square. That is where I could find the same Nasdaq lettering. If I am correct, there are many shoe stores where she can get some new kicks. Eric

I don't have conclusive proof, but I think the girls are at the Hollywood Highland Center mall, outside the Kodiak theater. The sign is for Stand up to Cancer, which was held at the Dolby Theater, and in that mall there is a Aldo store along with a Skechers which is what I believe the drawstring bag hanging from the travel case is from. Or I could be totaly wrong. Rick

You both are how you say.... close but no banana? Eric nailed the Times Square location -- the building with the NASDAQ ticker out front is the Condé Nast Building, located at 4 Times Square. Then Rick picked up on the white Aldo bag (they're a shoe store and indeed sell Sketchers) and from 4 Times Square it's only a two minute walk to 218 W 42nd St, which is where the Aldo store is located.

Spring training has ended, and we're getting ot the thick of the baseball season. While that means we're in for lots and lots and lots of baseball games, it also means that we're due for the annual list of the hottest MLB WAGs. That's wives and girlfriends for you keeping score at home.

The majestic palm is a Madegascar native capable of tolerating relatively cool temperatures and shady locations, making it a good choice for cooler climates. Although the palm makes an attractive indoor plant, it may eventually become too large, as mature trees reach heights of 15 to 20 feet. Repot the majestic palm into a container one size larger when the plant outgrows its pot, usually every two to three years. Don't repot more often than necessary, as palms perform best when their roots are slightly crowded.

April 22, 2015

That's Right, Time To Start Dieting.

Many, many moons ago, right after I moved to Florida, I used to drive around in this sweet ass 1990 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham. That thing was like driving a combination of a main battle tank and my living room couch. The down side of course was, with a carbureted 5.0 liter engine pushing around a 4300lb curb weight (0-60 in 14+ seconds) -- it couldn't pass a gas station. As as gasoline crept past the $4/gallon mark, me and The Nimitz reluctantly parted ways. I see it every once in awhile -- or at least ones that looks remarkably similar -- when I'm over in Fort Myers. Then I was watching this video of GTA-5 kills and sure enough -- about the 0:13 second mark -- there's my fucking car! And preceding The Nimitz by one year, the Simpsons have been going since 1989. Here are 40 of the best quotes from Homer Simpson and company.

Detroit was awarded an NHL franchise in 1926, and the team was known as the Detroit Cougars for a couple of years, then the Falcons; they did not win often under either name. Then in 1932, a millionaire named James Norris -- who was a member of the Montreal Amateur Athletic Association, a sporting club with cycling roots -- bought the team. Norris decided that a version of their logo was perfect for a team playing in the Motor City and on October 5, 1932 the club was renamed the Detroit Red Wings and the team adopted their winged wheel logo. Coincidence or not, the new name and logo marked a turnaround in the team's fortunes. The Detroit Red Wings made the playoffs in their first season, and won their first Stanley Cup in 1936. Unfortunately, they've sucked like Nickelback ever since. Go Bruins!

Sure, any bumbling idiot can tell me the truck is a Toyota Tundra, but who can tell me the make and model of the car parked in the driveway?

Hi Ernie. Ca' in Italian is short for house (of). Tuoro is a common surname and a place in Italy, so Ca' Tuoro probably just means (the) Tuoro Household. David

Hey Ernie, I was at the grand opening gala for the newest addition of the National Naval Aviation Museum in Pensacola and thought you might like to see a few pictures of the new hangar. While I was there I had the extreme honor of meeting Captain Thomas J. Hudner USN (ret.), a Medal of Honor recipient. This will stand as one of the greatest honors of my life and as you can probably imagine, there was no shortage of people wanting to meet this gentelman. I'll even bet that he upstaged Eugene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon, who was also there in attendance. Warren

Choking is the fourth leading cause of accidental death in children under age 5, according to the New York State Department of Health. The Consumer Product Safety Commissions reports that about 15 choking deaths are reported each year in kids younger than 3. Foods, toys, household items and basically anything that fits into your child's mouth are potential choking hazards. Bottle caps, especially sweet tasting ones such as those on soda, chocolate syrup, or pancake syrup bottles may be be dangerous to little ones trying to lick the drops out of the caps.

I can't imagine these flats are too comfortable to walk in, especially on the unforgiving city streets. So show me where this woman most likely picked up some new shoes.

Hey Ernie, was able to find the location of the call box by image searching City of Camarillo sign, and whaddaya know, the second result shows the exact sign. You can tell because of the chain link fence near the front. Visiting this site tells us that the sign is on the north entering the city on the 101, right here. Flipping a 180, the call box is 101-117. Keep up the good work my friend! Mark.

Hey Ernie, The Call box is # 101-117, on the 101 Freeway in California. Chick must love freeways, here is a shot of her getting on the 23 South. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Ernie, her call box number is 101-117. It is on the side of the southbound 101 freeway as you approach the Conejo Grade about an hour north of Los Angeles. Just past that call box on the right is Camarillo Springs Golf Course and a surrounding residential community where this mudslide happened four months ago. Jefferson

Here's a photo that I've been trying to research for the past week, and am having frustratingly little success. As best I can tell, the clothing company Ehihpai -- who made these coveralls -- was owned by Guangzhou Bai Zhi Garment Company. Their website is now defunct (translated via Google Translate) but even as far back as 2006 they didn't give much info. I've managed to find a similar pair of coveralls, but that's as much information I can find.

Some say the secret to eternal youth is actually simpler than most people thought. There's not much anyone can do about the aging of a body, but then again why focus solely on the body when the spirit doesn't have to deteriorate with it. That meme old saying "don't grow up, it's a trap" is very true, and pretty much the solution.


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