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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
September 4, 2015

Honey, You're Going To Have To Open Your Mouth Wider Than That.

I was going to ask your help in finding the quickest place to get a Sabrett hot dog, but this photo has too much information to issue a challenge for; all you have to do is Google Union Square East and 4th Ave and viola. So instead I'm going to ask that you help me out running errands today. I need to get my hair did and my car fixed. Where's the easiest place to do that?

Few sailing experiences are as scary as waking in the middle of the night with the wind blowing hard and your boat dragging anchor toward rocks, the shore, or another boat. And one of the most irritating things for most cruising sailors is finding another boat dragging down upon them or getting tangled in their own anchor line. Yet all too often even some experienced sailors are in too much of a hurry and skip one of the important steps for anchoring securely. Some new sailors never learn the essentials and just toss the anchor overboard and assume they'll be fine. Good anchoring technique is crucial for safety.

A Rube Goldberg machine is a contraption that is deliberately over-engineered to perform a simple task in a complicated fashion, usually including a chain reaction. It has been twelve years since Wieden & Kennedy released its "Cog" spot for Honda. But the Rube Goldberg idea can still be compelling now and again, particularly when the advertiser can lay some kind of metaphorical claim to mirroring how such machines work: behold Rube Gold berg inspired advertising from: Sony, Goldie Blox, 3M manufacturing, Target, and Beneful <-- who even feature dogs in theirs!

FRIDAY FLICK: Look, me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding. See, they're McDonald's... I'm McDowell's. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds.

Robber gets shot. Poll under video cracked me up. Jon

This is a street view of the top of the stairs, there is no street view from the bottom where the photo was taken from, The Location is 173 Letenske sady, Praha 7 in the Czech Republic. Also, if it's on the island this could be the place, the hatchback with the open rear end was probably purchased here at Seat Abisa on Pasaje del Tren, Sa Pobla Spain. Rick

GREAT news for reloaders: Wikiarms now tracks reloading components: Bullets, Brass and Primers!

The red-eared slider originated from the area around the Mississippi River and the Gulf of Mexico, in warm climates in the southeastern United States. These turtles' native areas range from the southeast of Colorado to Virginia and Florida. In nature, they inhabit areas with a source of still, warm water, such as ponds, lakes, swamps, creeks, streams, or slow-flowing rivers. They live in areas of calm water where they are able to leave the water easily by climbing onto rocks or tree trunks so they can warm up in the sun. They also require abundant aquatic plants, as these are the adults' main food, although they are omnivores. Red-eared sliders in the wild always remain close to water unless they are searching for a new habitat or when females leave the water to lay their eggs.

And I'm still looking for someone who reads [some fucking Asian language] to translate this tattoo -- but that's more out of curiosity than anything else -- and for directions to my 7:30 sushi workshop.



September 3, 2015

Neon Signs Really Are A Lost Art.

Four years ago, Cisco announced the end-of-sale and end-of-life dates for the Scientific Atlanta/Cisco Explorer 4250HDC. Customers who had active service contracts or active warranties continued to receive support from the Cisco Technical Assistance Center until their warranty expired, but customers were encouraged to migrate to the Cisco Explorer 4650HDC.

With a little practice and a knowledgeabe chef's helpful hints, a sushi workshop is a great place to learn how easy it really is to make sushi in your own kitchen. Where am I meeting this unziped girl to sign up for our first lesson?

Fuck you, Tom Brady, you cheating motherfucker. Just fuck you.

Real cheapskates know that eventually all annual calendars will be timely once again. For example, your 2015 wall calendar can be used again in the years 2026, 2037, 2043, 2054, 2065, 2071, 2082 and counting. For a handy schedule of when you can reuse your old calendars, simply visit whencanireusethiscalendar.com.

Hi Ernie, Just finished putting together a collection of photographs of alpacas with incredible hair. Best Regards David

Hi Ernie, Challenge accepted. That photographer is in Budapest, Hungary on Vaci Street. Here's the street view. There's a lot less people in the street view than when she posed. Rudy

If you're on the .45 side of the caliber debate, consider the $399 pringfield XDS Essential package which includes FREE SHIPPING to your FFL, two EXTRA magazines (normally $45 each), a pistol bag ($20'ish?), and dual mag pouch ($34) after a mail in rebate.

I'm not entirely sure there are Streetview'able, but I would have to imagine we'd be able to see these stairs on Google Maps overhead satellite view, yes?

Hey Ernie, The suspension bridge was a lot tougher than usual. I was able to locate a site with more photos and finally, in one I was able to make out the word WOHRL in the ground floor window . Apparently they are a sporting goods/ clothing store in Germany. after looking at different locations, I tried googling WOHRL along with the other letters ROT... and then it auto filled in " rotmain center bayreuth" and there it was, in Bayreuth, Germany. Germany is weird about privacy laws, so no Street View, but I found this site with photos that confirm the location. Keep 'em coming, Tim

No life altering challenge here, I'm just curious if anyone can translate her back tattoo.

Zima means "winter" in Slavic languages. TV writer Jane Espenson came up with the name. It was launched nationally in the United States as Zima Clearmalt in 1993 after being test-marketed two years earlier in the cities of Nashville, Sacramento, and Syracuse. The lemon-lime drink was part of the "clear craze" of the 1990s that produced products such as Crystal Pepsi and Tab Clear. The slogans used in early advertisements for Zima were "a truly unique alcohol beverage" and "Zomething different". Its production in the United States ceased in October 2008, but it is still marketed in Japan.


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September 2, 2015

It's Always A Little Weird When Art Imitates Life. And Vise Versa.

When the American Flag is displayed in a manner other than by being flown from a staff, it should be displayed flat, whether indoors or out. When displayed either horizontally or vertically against a wall, the union should be uppermost and to the flag's own right, that is, to the observer's left. When displayed in a window it should be displayed in the same way, that is with the union or blue field to the left of the observer in the street. When festoons, rosettes or drapings are desired, bunting of blue, white and red should be used, but never the flag.

Here's something else to salute: Danica Patrick's sandy covered ass on a beach. Um. Damn. Baby got back.

The Nashes are a close-knit family. Tom is a popular teacher, father to two teens: Eli, a hockey star and girl magnet, and his sister Deenie, a diligent student. Their seeming stability, however, is thrown into chaos when Deenie's best friend Lise is struck by a terrifying, unexplained seizure during class. Rumors of a hazardous outbreak spread through the family, school and community. As hysteria swells and more girls succumb, a series of tightly held secrets emerge, threatening to unravel friendships, families and the town's fragile idea of security. The Fever, a novel by Megan Abbott, offers a chilling story about guilt, family secrets, and the lethal power of desire.

The second thoughts chick is located in a small park in Prague-Prague 5, Czech Republic. Rick

Hey Ernie, That chick who looked like she was having second thoughts is in Prague, Czech Republic As you can see by the rest of the photo set, Kristyna over came her fears and proudly displayed her shaved va jay jay to the rest of the city. Tim

Here's an easy challenge for you: show me where this photographer is!

HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! Act quickly and grab a 1400 round bucket of Remington .22lr for $89 and then tack on a little filler and use this coupon code for free shipping on orders $99 or more.

Do you know what this is? It's a charger used by convicts to hide money and drugs they tuck it up their rectum. This is pencil detonator, timer, used as a receiver from the pager. This is C4 highly explosive; you put it all together you've got a bomb, not very sophisticated, but very powerful. [whispers in his ear] That's what you have in your ass right now. Don't move! Don't move!

Oh, yeah, that very busy sign is next to the Farmer's Market in Brno. You are standing in the city center of Brno, Czech Republic. No image searching here, I just hit up Google Maps for the places on the signs. Lekarna means Pharmacy, and there can't be more than 1,000 of those in Brno. Tochacek seems to be the construction company that built the scaffolding, so no help there. I looked at a number of pharmacies and realized they were all located in much more modern surroundings than the picture. I went looking for the older buildings and voila! Thanks for the sightseeing trip today! Dan

Ernie, The picture of the girl at the “very busy street sign” is located in Brno, Czech Republic at Masaryk University. It was taken at the corner of Bandlova and Moravske nam. The street sign was the giveaway for the city and about 10 minutes of searching on Brno's picture sites revealed the university building seen in the photograph. Kevin

Hey Ernie, Here's your goddamn sign... The road sign is showing road numbers, not distances. The only place these converge is Brno, good old Czech Republic. You can see the cross in the background, universal for a pharmacy, but the name isn't clear. A quick google and low and behold! The trouble is there are dozens of them. Judging from the architecture and sidewalks, I assumed a downtown touristy area. So searching Lekarna in google maps and only street viewing the ones in suspect area I finally found the bitch. Squicker

The opening cinematic of Halo 5 boasts a full-on action sequence that aims to be as satisfying as one in a feature film, and it's all just an appetizer for what Microsoft claims will be the most ambitious, robust and epic Halo campaign experience. To get your own taste of that experience, check out the Halo 5 opening sequence that features a guy that I'm pretty sure is Captain Mal from Firefly.

Here's an difficult challenge for you: since we don't have too many suspension type pedestrian bridges here in the US, I would imagine this one is located somewhere in Europe. What roadway does it span?


September 1, 2015

We'll Get Your Mom Back This Time For Sure, Timmy.

As a Designer Skin devotee, you have become accustomed to the bronzed worship and idolatry. Yawn. In need of the ultimate bronzing boost? Ready to go from beautiful to earth-shattering bronze luminosity? Is that even a word? It is when you use Worship Me. When you wear it, you will walk the walk -- or should we say strut -- as mere mortals pale in comparison. This advanced quadruple bronzing blend bathes your skin in luscious, dark caramel color, while the proprietary Mega MelamaxTM technology optimizes your results for the deepest, darkest tan.

The new MacBook is gorgeous, insanely thin, revolutionary and pressure-sensitive. It's also missing one killer feature: a glowing Apple logo. The shining bit of trade dress has been a pop culture icon ever since Apple released the PowerBook G3 in May 1999. However, it looks like Jony Ive's design team is ready to sacrifice the glowing Apple beacon in the name of thinness. You'll still find a light-up logo on the MacBook Airs and MacBook Pros, but it was never meant to be on Apple's new golden beauties.

Good news: If you purchase any NEW Springfield Armory pistol between Sept. 1, 2015, and Dec. 31, 2015, and you will also receive two extra magazines, a dual-pistil range bag, and a duag mag pouch absolutely free via mail.

Well this looks like a pretty major intersection. Can anyone show me where this very busy street sign is located?

Hey Ernie, that graffiti on Jockey 9 is located at 15 Avenue and Bell Road in Phoenix. The chick looks like Niki from the August 10 "Lady Luck" photo challenge. From her Tumblr page she seems to enjoy running around Phoenix posing nude in public. Hope I run into her. Keep 'em coming, Tim

This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other of not, but you will respect each other. And maybe... I don't know, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cArWqc2O6tMmaybe we'll learn to play this game like men.

Short and sweet: can anyone identify the title of this paperback book?


ERNIE CAM

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