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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
July 23, 2014

I Wonder If There's A Merit Badge For Almost Being Killed By A Border Agent?

State Route 23 is a state highway which runs roughly from Fillmore to Malibu, and consists of three distinct sections. The southern section begins as Decker Canyon Road near Trancas in Malibu, where Route 23 intersects with the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH). This portion provides numerous beautiful vistas of the Santa Monica Mountains and the Pacific Ocean during daytime, but extreme caution is advisable, especially as the road nears the PCH. The middle section, known as the Moorpark Freeway, is a major route for traffic headed between Thousand Oaks and Moorpark. The northernmost section begins at State Route 118 in Moorpark, and heads north as Grimes Canyon Road through orange groves and sandstone cliffs.

No American sport is more romanticized than baseball, which is why baseball makes such a fantastic subject for movies. The audience is already primed to accept the dramatic narrative. All the filmmakers have to do is not blow it. Sadly, many filmmakers do blow it. For every classic baseball film out there -- your Bull Durhams, your Sandlots (Squints made that movie), your Major Leagues -- there's at least one that really, really sucks. It's these baseball movies, the ones that suck, that are the subject of today's list. Take a look and find out how many truly awful baseball movies you've seen. Then make a mental note never to watch them again.

Curel Hand & Cuticle Therapy Cream soothes even the driest hands on contact and continues to moisturize even through repeated hand washings for all-day softness. This non-greasy formula is infused with soy milk, monoi oil, and vitamin E to help soften hands in just one use.

Ernie, Been a long time fan since stick figure days, contributed when I could but hard with a limited income and all that. A boy scout troop from Iowa was on a trip to Alaska and for taking a photo, a fucking photo, they were treated like criminals, had guns drawn on them and everything. The best part is this asshat Charles Vonderheid says "We want to make sure they follow the rules. A Scout is a good citizen. It would be a great lesson in civics for that young man and that troop,” he said. How the hell is it following the rules and being a good citizen to be violated like this by some jack booted thug? Thanks for giving it an look over. Walter

You know, I was discussing the Eric Garner death homicide with a retired cop friend and I asked him, Do you know why the TSA gets such a bad rap? Not because they're repeatedly and flagrantly violating our 1st, 4th and 14th Amendments, but because they do so with such impunity. Little toddlers get molested in the name of security, old ladies get accosted, breast cancer survivors get humiliated, aging veterans get treated like criminals. And We The people complain about it and *nothing ever happens* because those responsible just quote their rules and regulations and procedures. That's why people hate the TSA so much. Because of how powerless We The People feel to keep them in check. Unfortunately, this feeling of unaccountability seems to be a growing phenomenon extending into other branches of law enforcement. Someone else commented there are no US Border Patrol agents assigned to the Alaska/Canadian border, so perhaps they were Customs officers. Look, the vast majority of law enforcement are good peoples. But on the rare occasion when one of them really, really fucks up, they deal with it the same way the Catholic Church dealt with pedophile priests; a shell game of reassignments and transfers. So I dunno, I guess your Scouting friend should consider himself lucky someone didn't feel like shooting a Boy Scout that day? Because if he did, no harm no foul, I guess?

Ever thought about plastic surgery? These 21 disasters may change you mind forever. Poor Nikki Cox.

Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen is an American chain of fried chicken fast food restaurants founded in 1972 in New Orleans, Louisiana. According to a company press release dated June 29, 2007, Popeyes is the second-largest "quick-service chicken restaurant group, measured by number of units", with more than 1,800 restaurants in more than 40 states and the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and over 22 countries worldwide. About thirty locations are company-owned, the rest franchised. As of January 2014, Popeyes has over 2,000 restaurants worldwide according to their website.

Hey Ernie, Can't find where to submit stuff so here it is... a Ho in 1...Roflmao!!! Parnell

Hi Ernie, Penile amputation realized after priapism (prolonged erection) and subsequent necrosis of the penis. Side -effect of an overdose of the anti-depressant Oleptro. I wouldn't be popping too many Viagra, either. Cheers, Charley

Dove is a personal care brand owned by Unilever, whose products are sold in more than 80 countries and are offered for both women and men. The Dove trademark and brand name is currently owned by Unilever. Dove's logo is a silhouette profile of the brand's namesake bird. Products include: antiperspirants/deodorants, body washes, beauty bars, lotions/moisturizers, hair care, and facial care products. Dove is primarily made from synthetic surfactants, soaps derived from vegetable oils such as palm kernel, and salts of animal fats.

Old and busted: Coolio releasing a new hit. The new hotness: Coolio releasing a new hit... ON PORNHUB.

A convex mirror, fish eye mirror or diverging mirror, is a curved mirror in which the reflective surface bulges toward the light source. Convex mirrors reflect light outwards, therefore they are not used to focus light. Such mirrors always form a virtual image, since the focus (F) and the centre of curvature (2F) are both imaginary points "inside" the mirror, which cannot be reached. The passenger-side mirror on a car is typically a convex mirror. In some countries, these are labeled with the safety warning "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear", to warn the driver of the convex mirror's distorting effects on distance perception.

Wolf/Tula brand ammo. worth grabbing some while you still can?

July 22, 2014

What, Cripples Need Love, Too.

For the most part, I'm not a tequila person, so if I had to choose between Olmeca and Jack Daniels, that's an easy one; Jack and Coke, please. But if forced to choose between two tequilas, such as Tres Generations or Don Julio, I dunno which I'd pick. But I do know that after all that fucking tequila, I'd wind up in the running for the dumbest face tattoo.

Dubai is the most populous city and emirate in the United Arab Emirates (UAE), and the second largest emirate by territorial size after the capital, Abu Dhabi. Today, Dubai has emerged as a cosmopolitan metropolis that has grown steadily to become a global city and a business and cultural hub of the Middle East and the Persian Gulf region. It is also a major transport hub for passengers and cargo. Although Dubai's economy was historically built on the oil industry, the emirate's Western-style model of business drives its economy with the main revenues now coming from tourism, aviation, real estate, and financial services. Dubai has recently attracted world attention through many innovative large construction projects and sports events. The city has become symbolic for its skyscrapers and high-rise buildings, in particular the world's tallest building, the Burj Khalifa. In addition, Dubai is home to other ambitious development projects including man-made islands, hotels, and some of the largest shopping malls in the region and the world.

According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, "86" is a slang term that is used in the American popular culture as a transitive verb to mean throw out or get rid of, particularly in the food service industry as a term to describe an item no longer available on the menu, or to refuse service to a customer. Today, the term "86", and especially its past tense, "86ed" is widely used in American culture and beyond. The most widely accepted theory of the term's origin states it derives from a code supposedly used in some restaurants in the 1930s, wherein 86 was a shortform among restaurant workers for 'We're all out of it.' Snippets of said code were published in newsman Walter Winchell's column in 1933, where it was presented as part of a "glossary of soda-fountain lingo."

I don't always post photos of staircases, but when I do, they're quite mesmerizing.

Per the link; There is dirt pushed outward. A sink hole drags everything down right? All I have to say is, “Alien vs Predator”. Remember when the Predators shot the laser down to bore a hole in to the ice to get to the temple of alien doom???? Just saying. -Ryan

Needs more spel chek for the bumper sticker... Picture taken on I - 94 near Chelsea, Michigan. Jon

Here's a compelling argument why Pinhead's latest Executive Order is most likely going to be permanent. Meanwhile, there are still some AK's and AK variants still available if you're willing to mail order.

Febreze is a brand of household odor eliminator manufactured by Procter & Gamble, sold in North America, Brazil, Europe, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. The active ingredient in Febreze is hydroxypropyl beta-cyclodextrin. Procter & Gamble claims that these molecules bind hydrocarbons within the doughnut shape, retaining malodorous molecules, which reduces their release into the air and thus the perception of their scent. The product initially sold poorly until P&G realised that people had become accustomed to the smells in their own homes, then switched to linking it to pleasant smells and cleaning habits to produce the successful product.

The Boeing 787-9 Dreamliner is a slightly bigger version of the 787-8, but still flies just the same and is capable of "combat" takeoffs. In this video from the Farnborough Airshow, watch for the DReamliner's very steep 40 degree takeoff, 60 degree banked turn and unbelievable short landing.

Lucia Rijker is the female Mike Tyson. She is the the world famous, undisputed, unconquered queen of Kickboxing. A scientific test proved that she can punch with 910 pounds of force at the speed of 36 feet per second!

myfreecams.com is the coolest webcam site on the web. definitely NSFW.

There are 10 million members at Adult Friend Finder, all of which looking for fun filled action to keep warm this chilly season. Even if you don't want to hook up, sign up for free and check out tons of nude photos and profiles. With 10 million members, you may find the chick next door looking to get laid. And you ladies, don't be shy. Tons of guys are waiting for you, too. Just take the one minute to find some people in the area! So sign up for free then go to your e-mail to confirm your account and get busy!

July 21, 2014

Yeah, We're On A Restricted Work Load Today.

a cat wearing a shark outfit on a roomba chasing a duckling

well, it's been 4 days, where is the presidential speech of this caliber?

"sex tape" may not skimp on the naughty stuff, but there's very few genuine laughs

as i predicted: ak-47 buying panic begins and ammo prices have started to creep up a bit

your sickday boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve - thirteen

July 19, 2014

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.


two - what happened to the very first fortune 500? - three

four - 16 shocking photos of addiction that'll make you never want to try drugs ever again - five

six - - seven

eight - so i guess even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while: chalk one up for joe biden - NINE

ten - wonder what police dogs do on their day off - eleven


July 18, 2014

"I am Jehovah thy God, Open thy Mouth Wide, and I Will Fill It." Psalm 81:10.

Yesterday I took the TT in for an oil change and as I was pulling into the dealer, I pulled up behind this sweet ass 550hp jaguar F-TYPE R. Later when I got home, I did some Googling about Jaguars and such, and stumbled across some new technology they have coming down the pipe. It's almost an exact copy of the features of an old Playstation game, Gran Turismo 3, were you had to "qualify for a license." To help you do so, the game automatically highlights the optimal path through the turns; following the highlighted route yields the best track times. Imagine if that kind of technology could be incorporated into a real life winsehield, right? Well wonder no fucking further, becauyse Juguar is all over that shit. Complete with ghost car image.

Mallory squeegees are made with a durable wiper blade to resist abrasion and include a scrub-net covering for the sponge so they work harder and last longer. The standard 15" and 20" long squeegees include a solid plastic handle with molded grip. Metal head, wooden handle squeegees are also available. The longer 42" squeegee has an anodized aluminum handle so it is ideal for trucks, vans, and pick-ups.

Saint Lawrence of Rome was one of the seven deacons of ancient Rome under Pope Sixtus II that were martyred during the persecution of Emperor Valerian in 258. As deacon in Rome, St Lawrence was charged with the responsibility for the material goods of the Church and the distribution of alms to the poor. After the death of Sixtus, the prefect of Rome demanded that St Lawrence turn over the riches of the Church. St Lawrence asked for three days to gather together the wealth and during that time, worked swiftly to distribute as much Church property to the poor as possible, so as to prevent its being seized by the prefect. On the third day, at the head of a small delegation, St Lawrence presented himself to the prefect, and when ordered to give up the treasures of the Church he presented the poor, the crippled, the blind and the suffering, and said these were the true treasures of the Church. This act of defiance led directly to his martyrdom and can be compared to the parallel Roman tale of the jewels of Cornelia. The prefect was so angry that he had a great gridiron prepared, with coals beneath it, and had Lawrence's body placed on it. After the martyr had suffered the pain for a long time, the legend concludes, he made his famous cheerful remark, "I'm well done. Turn me over!" Anyway, I bet you didn't know this is where we derive the term 'celebrity roast' from (7/45)!

I grew up in Torrance so I made this one a mission. I knew that the blue sign you thought was a bank sign was actually a Beach Parking sign so I started in Torrance Beach. Topography didn't match, no tall buildings. So I thought tall buildings near the beach in LA. Santa Monica. Jackpot. Dave

Hey Ernie - Thanks for the site, long time fan, stick figures, mailing list, etc... I didn't see an answer to Wednesday's "Moderately Hard Photo Challenge". The blue sign looked like it was a "Beach Parking" sign from Santa Monica, CA. Even though it's been years since I've been back to my hometown, it looked like she was on Main Street. Sure enough, she's at Sparky's Frozen Yogurt at 3110 Main St. right at the border between Santa Monica and Venice. She might have gotten the coffee from the Starbucks that used to be next door. You can see the red plastic chairs stacked just inside their door. here's a better view of the blue Beach Parking sign. Tom

Earlier this week, 5' tall 100-pound former college gymnast champ Kacy Catanzaro became the first woman to complete Esquire TV's American Ninja Warrior course and move on to the next level, Mount Midoriyama. All we can say is watch it for yourself, but get ready for some sympathetic arm pain. Also? HOT. AS. FUCK.

Now from the Never-Let-A-Good-Crisis-Go-To-Waste Department, He Who Shall Not Be Named decided now would be a good time for some backdoor gun control, by issuing an Executive Order banning most Russian firearms from import under the guise of sanctions against Russia. And no, not kidding. Some speculate that will alslso soon be applied to Russian manufactured ammunition, such as Wolf and Silver bear. Also, AIDS research is now completely fucked. So just for the record, if this is some sort of precursor to an alien invasion, or some subterranean species about to wage war on humankind, I'm cheering for the aliens.

Alberto-Culver was an American corporation with international sales whose principal business is manufacturing hair and skin beauty care products under such brands as Alberto VO5, Andrew Collinge, St. Ives skin care products, TRESemmé, FDS, Consort, and Nexxus. It is a manufacturer in the multicultural beauty care market with such brands as Soft & Beautiful, Just For Me, Motions, and TCB.

Ernie, That is Starbucks on Main Street in Venice California. Great town, traffic sucks like hell. Cool point of interest. Just south of this location is the original Chiat/Day ad agency and the buildings still there with Big Ass Binoculars as a structural feature. See attached. Obligatory ass kissing,love the site, blah blah blah. Stay cool on the East Coast and we will continue to enjoy our balmy 75 degrees here in sunny So-Cal. Paul

The job of the testicles is to make sperm and the job of the scrotum is to modulate the temperature of the testicles so that the production of sperm is optimal. In order to do this the scrotum can relax and cool the testicles by allowing them to be farther from the body, or it can contract to bring them closer to the body, thus warming them up. The reason for the wrinkles is that the skin must be long enough to cover it while it is fully relaxed, and when it contracts partially the skin bunches up and has wrinkles. If you notice, your scrotum probably has less wrinkles after you get out of a hot bath or shower. This is because the scrotum has relaxed because the testicles are warm.

What's that, 1080p and 60 frames per second? The hype is real. DOOM 4 IS REAL. Except... it's not called Doom 4. It's called simply “DOOM” and it's just been announced at QuakeCon 2014 today, with id Software showing off first footage. I am buying the fuck out of this game.

And do you know what I would be doing if I were in the bathroom with this naked girl? That's right, I'd be sneezing my ass off because I'm allergic to cats.


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