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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
September 2, 2014

A Real Man Loves His Woman Every Day Of The Month.

These days people will forget about any type of social norms or dignity just to immortalize a moment they consider to be unique. But what's even worse than that is that some people will take a selfie at the most inappropriate time just so they will have something interesting to post on Facebook. Sure, some of these people could be appreciated for their bravery, but one can only appreciate so much when faced with one of the uttermost acts of stupidity of our age, the selfie. #8 has a wide stance.

Okay, I need some help: I spent some time browsing the Costco website, specifically the items offered by Little Giant, but so can't find this specific item.

Cleveland Browns' Rookie linebacker Christian Kirksey is listed at 6'2 and 235 pounds according to the team's roster. But this appears to be a gross exaggeration, at least on the Madden NFL 2015 where Kirksey measures only 14 inches tall thanks to a glitch in the programming. But the tiny version of Kirksey has a big heart and still manages to make plays, bringing down runners five times larger than him and breaking up passes. So join me for a little two-minute stroll down memory lane as we watch the evolution of Madden NFL as demonstrated by recreating the final drive of the 1998 NFC Wild Card Game between the 49ers and Packers with 10 different editions of the game: 1989, 1992, 1996, 2000, 2003, 2006, 2008, 2011, 2012, and 2014.

I made my donation to vets at Bank of America. Rhodes

Ernie, Don't know if the monkey logo was answered yet, but that is from the Puba Network. The Crazy iamslivan, horror and adult film director is co founder. He has one of the coolest collection of old school horror posters and movie memorabilia. Love the site, long time lurker since the old days. Paul

Okay, I need some more help: this is a very eclectic to-do list: nice coat, black Ugg boots, Betsy Jewelry, long hair, and a puppy. Can you make out any of the top items?

The M82, standardized by the US Military as the M107, is a recoil-operated, semi-automatic .50 caliber anti-materiel rifle developed by the American Barrett Firearms Manufacturing company. A heavy Special Application Scoped Rifle, it is used by many units and armies around the world. It is also called the "Light Fifty" for its .50 BMG (12.7×99mm NATO) chambering. The weapon is found in two variants, the original M82A1 and the bullpup M82A2. And if you have a metric shit-ton of money burning a hole in your pocket -- and by metric shit-ton I mean just over $10k -- then you can own one of these bad boys your own damn self. It comes with the with the BORS system and is available in either .50 BMG or 416 Barrett, although be advised if you pick .50BMG, it's $3 every time you pull the trigger. But I suppose if you're dropping $10k+ on a fucking rifle, what's another $3?

I've signed a lot of souveniers as going away gifts during my military years: plaques, maps, photos, hats, tshirts, bomb fins and bullet casings.... but never an umbrella. Who the fuck signs umbrella?

Big E! Well, sadly found out they are only there on Friday afternoons, two Russian broads women, scamming us American's out of our dollar bills. Also found out they have a bunch of characters, Mickey Mouse, Buzz Lightyear, etc... that walk up to people and pose with kids. Then they shoot a card from their hand begging for tips. The nipples are real though. Peace, Kurt

This appears to be where the Upper Dicker pic was taken. Looks like someone stole the sign. I would have, too, Timothy

Those big hotel towels are so soft, so absorbent -- they're like Bounty on steroids. No wonder you're tempted to take one home when you check out. Be forewarned that when you and your pilfered towel walk out the lobby door, an alarm may go off somewhere. At least three U.S. hotels are using radio frequency identification chips sewn into the fabric to track their towels, bathrobes and sheets. A Honolulu hotel that uses RFID chips to track linens saw the theft of pool towels drop from 4,000 a month to only 750, The New York Times reports, reducing replacement costs by $16,000 monthly!

Yesterday, Google announced the latest phase of their ongoing plan to conquer the planet. It's Project Wing, an experimental delivery system that works through the use of drones flying through the air. If that sounds familiar, it's because we know that Amazon is also working on a similar idea. It's a little bit crazy to think that there are now two competing automated air drone delivery systems in the works, but I guess that's what it's like to live in the 21st century.

Do you know what lies deep below New York's Grand Central Terminal? Almost no one who passes through every day has any idea what lies beneath their feet.

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September 1, 2014

Insert Your Favorite Labor Day Joke Here.

firearm and ammo labor day specials & sales roundup

bad ass tattoos of the japanese yakuza. eric northman is unavailable for comment.

forty of history's most brilliant one-liners ever quoted

your labor day boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - SEVEN - eight - nine - ten - ELEVEN - twelve - thirteeen

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August 29, 2014

We Need More Kids Like Jack. And Dogs Like Bailey. Read On.

Getting ready for the long Labor Day weekend? Here is your Firearm and Ammo Labor Day Specials & Sales roundup.

One dark secret about fireplace ashes is how long they remain hot and able to ignite other materials. Come back a full day later and the fire appears to be fully extinguished. Move those ashes to a flammable container and there is a very good chance that those ashes, which appear to be very cold, will start up a new fire. Ash buckets and holders are essential fireplace accessories that not only keep your fireplace and hearth area nice and tidy but also make collecting and disposing of ashes safe and easy while allowing you to avoid direct contact with hot ashes and coals. FEMA's U.S. Fire Administration advises that you dispose of fireplace ashes in a metal container and place them far away from your house or any other structure.

As quickly as cities rise up to host the Olympics, they seem to fall even faster. After the final national anthem is played, the only thing left for these epic coliseums is wither and decay. It's an eerie reality. Billions of dollars, thousands of hours of labor, and years later, this is what remains... Athens, Greece 10 years later is probably where Beijing, China 6 years later will be heading soon. No doubt followed by Sochi a mere 6 months later, although let's be fair, that place was an absolute shithole right from the start.

Arlington is a village and civil parish in the Wealden district of East Sussex, England. The parish is on the River Cuckmere, and is the location for a medieval priory, a reservoir and car racetrack. Arlington village stands above the left bank of the River Cuckmere. The parish includes the two villages of Arlington and Upper Dicker. It is on a minor road leading north from the A27 road between Polegate and Lewes, and near Berwick railway station on the East Coastway Line. The village of Upper Dicker, the site of a medieval trade centre, is on the river, a mile and a half to the north.

OK- I had to put down Bailey the dog- the one you accused of being gay- 7 years ago because cancer ate him up 2 months ago. Wife got a new "Pound Puppy" that's 3 years old. After spending $170 at the Pound (includes getting her fixed and a terrible grooming job) I paid another $750 for X-rays and all the other diseases the Pierce County Humane Society missed in spite of having her for 9 days with complete care. I don't mind paying $1,000 for a dog but there's a few things I demand a dog do:

1: someone knocks at the door? You'd better bark your fool head off- that's your job of protecting the perimeter.
2: I expect you to be sociable- that is, not spend your whole life behind the couch and only come out when pushed by a broom.
3: I expect you to pee between every 4 to 8 hours and not hold it in for 24 hours at a time.
4: I do expect you to poop at least once a day, preferably while on the same walk as you go pee but I'm flexible on this.

This new dog just isn't working out. Can't say I've ever had a dog that "wouldn't dog"- has to be dragged outside or gently man-handled. I have very reluctantly used a pinch collar- I hate using them but the instant negative feedback SHOULD have provided some kind of motivation. Wrong. The pinch collar just made her lay on the ground and cry. I don't know what to do Ernie- my parents had a pet shop from 1968 to 1982 and I've never had a dog I couldn't "work" but this is beyond my frustration and understanding level. Went to "Pet-Shop" (National Chain) and talked with one of their trainers who's a professional. Said to cut off the "free range" food to motivate the dog by hunger- ok, fair enough. After that, things get a bit murky,,,,, Any ideas? - Larry

Leather pants aside, I'm a firm believer there are no bad dogs, only bad owners. As for the money, yeah I got buttfucked by Bianca in the same way. She came home with a cyst on her side which required $600 in surgery, plus got into two major battles with Ike which resulted in $900 in vet bills. During the era of said battles, there was more than one occasion where The Boss Lady and I weren't entirely sure we were going to be able to provide Bianca with her forever home. In the end, we stuck it out, and I'm immensely thankful we did, because she's turned out to be a terrific animal. It took her a full year to settle in to where I would venture her pendulum swung from "pain in the ass" to "well behaved" but it got there. Now my new neighbors -- the ones that took 45 years to build a house -- constantly marvel that she is one of the most well bahaved pets they've ever seen.

Consider this: you're a dog. You're three years old, so you've already lived one fifth of your life including childhood, adolescence and young adulthood, in one particular home. You were raised a certain way, with certain rules. Then one day that family up and dumps you off at a shelter, where you're driven mad by the incessant cries, howling and barking of those tortured souls around you. You live in constant fear that you too will turn into one of these mad howlers who has been trapped here for months. But then the miracle of all miracles, a man with leather pants shows up and takes you home. You're thankful, but at the same time, still terrified. You do your best to behave like you have for your entire life -- the way you think you're supposed to -- and for some reason that doesn't work. Everything you knew before is wrong. The more you try, the more your new owner is unhappy with you, and the more scared you get. Confused, terrified and certainly depressed, you withdraw and hide behind a couch. And then some asshole with a fucking broom chases you out from behind that.

Consider that while its behavior that you encourage, most people consider their dog going ape shit at the doorbell/door knock to be very bad dog behavior. Your new pooch could very well have been raised this way, and disciplined if they bark their fool head off defending their own perimeter. But here's the catch: this isn't your dog's home. Or at least he doesn't think it is yet. And you're certainly not helping her fit in by pushing her with a broom. I would suspect that if you create a welcoming environment, over time your new dog will come to feel comfortable, feel welcomed, she will realize this is her home and will begin to be protect it as such. The same goes for your second point. You've essentially just purchased a Russian mail order bride. Instead of forcing her to come sit on the couch and get her love on, try to be the person she wants to sit next to. It will take time and will require a lot of vodka treats, but it will be worth it. As for taking care of business on schedule, it sounds like the dog was crated a lot. That would explain it both being withdrawn and unaffectionate, plus being able to hold its bladder for so long. You can't change the dog's environment overnight, and expect it to change its behavior as quickly.

In short Larry, two months is nowhere even near to being close to the same zip code in the same country as enough time for this dog to adjust to his new life. You can not unplug your old dog, plug in a new dog, and expect her to be exactly like your old dog. All dogs are nto created equal, and you have no idea what baggage this one is carrying with her. I say put the broom down and give the dog a reason to want to come be sociable with you. And throw that fucking pinch collar in the fucking garbage. You're going to win this dog over with old fashioned TLC, not pinch collars, brooms and hunger. Although I will say that I feed my dogs on a twice-a-day-schedule, morning and evening. This too will help regulate their bowel movements since they'll have to take care of business about 30-40 minutes after they eat. Time, bro. It's going to take time. And treats. And ear scratches. But it'll be worth it in the end. No bad dogs, only bad owners. So the real solution is, don't be a bad owner.

Also, you should that utilizing this conversion chart, I am able to ascertain this girl is a size 8 in the United States.

Extraordinary pics of the top secret "staging" base for the preparation of the invasion of mainland Japan. Quite an armada; note the carriers on "murderer's row" that, thankfully, were at sea during the attack on Pearl Harbor 3 years earlier. Greg

Ernie, This reminds me of when you wiped your ass with the Afghan flag in September 2001. These girls took it up a notch. Tim

There are over 4,200 species of mammals on our planet. Mammals are animals that have a backbone, have hair or fur, are warm-blooded and whose females nurse their babies with milk. Each of these milks contains water, proteins, fats, carbohydrates, minerals, vitamins, cellular content and anti-infective agents. But each species of mammal produces a milk that is qualitatively different than the milk of other species, a milk that is perfectly suited for the growth and development of the offspring of that particular species.

Old and busted: 50 Cent challenged Floyd Mayweather to a literacy test. The new hotness: Floyd Mayweather responds with 72,276,000 reasons for 50 Cent to STFU.

NASA's space shuttle fleet began setting records with its first launch on April 12, 1981 and continued to set high marks of achievement and endurance through 30 years of missions. Starting with Columbia and continuing with Challenger, Discovery, Atlantis and Endeavour, the spacecraft has carried people into orbit repeatedly, launched, recovered and repaired satellites, conducted cutting-edge research and built the largest structure in space, the International Space Station. The final space shuttle mission, STS-135, ended July 21, 2011 when Atlantis rolled to a stop at its home port, NASA's Kennedy Space Center in Florida.

Manchester United Football Club is an English professional football club, based in Old Trafford, Greater Manchester that plays in the Premier League. Founded as Newton Heath LYR Football Club in 1878, the club changed its name to Manchester United in 1902 and moved to Old Trafford in 1910 and is one of the most successful clubs in English football.

August 28, 2014

I Don't Even Want To Know What They Call Proctology.

Guide the flow of photons towards the crystal by rotating the tiles and changing the angle of reflection. Can you complete Quantum of Light all 24 levels of Quantum of Light? And don't be a dick and use the walk-through, either. I am on level 7 11 15.

Barnes & Noble's smart shopper paradise offers three kinds of bargain-priced books: Bargains, Special Values, and Barnes & Noble Exclusives. All three have one thing in common: terrific book value. Bargains, also commonly referred to as remainders, are publishers' overstocks. Bargain books clearly display the original price of the book before it was remaindered, along with your savings. You can find Bargains on virtually any subject and in any format. Because the publisher has decided to stop printing the book, the quantities for all Bargains are limited so when a book is gone, it's gone. So the trick with Bargains Books is to act quickly when you find something you want.

Mangineering is defined as the act of creating or repairing useful items employing the materials at hand. Mostly practiced by men, it is often criticized by those who aren't able to come up with solutions anywhere near as practical. Common mangineering supplies include duct tape, bailing wire, zip ties, and PVC pipe.

Try as I might, I simply can not identity what company uses this monkey for a logo.

In the Top Gun sequence where Maverick "puts on the brakes", he is shown pushing the throttle quadrant forward and pulling the stick back. This would put him into a full-afterburner climb, but you don't really stop and it doesn't work in a medium speed tail chase, which is easier to film. The air brake does effectively nothing on the F-14 because it is too small, and not deployable at full power.

Nah, this is way too tall for Harrah's. My guess that it's Wynn 'cause you can see part of the "Flying Saucer" over Fashion Square Mall at the Rt Bottom of the pic. Thomas

Great Site...blah, blah. Picture is from the Wynn. You can see the surf board looking art in front of the Fashion Show Mall on the bottom right and the Palms in the background. Good Day Sir. Jeff

At time of writing, three of the top six Google search results for “hottest players us open” are lists of the hottest men at the tournament. And honestly, I think that's fantastic. Tennis players are elite physical specimens, and there's nothing wrong with admiring them. That being said, we'll focus on the women, because that's what our demographic seems to enjoy most. So today we present to you our list of the 20 hottest female players at the 2014 US Open.

Here's a blast from the past! "Looking for a 15-inch multimedia monitor that delivers high performance, reliability, and great sound? The Compaq Presario MV540 with detachable monitor-powered JBL speakers is designed to offer crisp sound and the convenience of a digital audio player within a flat-square CRT system. Plus it includes an integrated microphone that incorporates built-in, high-quality voice recognition and easy-to-use onscreen menus for precise control of the digital display. The Presario MV540 has a resolution of 1,024 x 768 at a refresh rate of 60 Hz, and the 0.28-millimeter aperture pitch, provides fine detail."

Ever wonder why racecars perform a burnout prior to starting a race? There are two reasons for this. The first, when you see a car burn out across the line, is to lay a patch of fresh hot, rubber. If done right it adds another layer of better traction to race across, because the launch is the most important part of the race. A driver doesn't want any wheel spin that will slow their performance, and these burn outs help to avoid that. The second reason is to heat the tire -- shown here on a FLIR camera -- to make it better able to stick to the racing surface.

Hey Ernie, Had to get in touch regarding the picture showing Treasure Island, that you thought might have been Hannahs. Sorry, but its the Wynn. The road layout caught me as being wrong, and also the distance as Hannahs seemed far away. SO with a bit of googling I found a Refurbed room at Wynns and found the chair in the reflection. This page shows a couple of shots of the view, which match up. And you will be pleased to know that the chair in the picture is a copy of the 1963 design classic "Oxford" chair by Arne Jacobsen with design house Fritz Hansen. An original will set you back a pretty penny, but these are copies - the base and height adjusting mechanism are wrong. Cheers. Lawrie

From the Czech Republic. Those negative g's have things looking up! I'm surprised they didn't encounter more "turbulence"...Great aerodynamics presentation! I bet you will watch this one the whole way through. Alan

I know what you're thinking, "Where is all the rimfire ammo?" AMIRITE? Well, you're not the only one asking, in fact that guy has some pretty good ideas on what's going on. My local Walmart(s) haven't had shit in stock unless you're willing to camp out at 6:55am when they dump out the stock, and it's even turned to pretty slim pickings online, unless you want to shoot subsonic ina bolt action.

Forty-three year old Lennard Patrick Jervis done got himself a pistol. Lennard Patrick Jervis brought said pistol to a jewelry store. Lennard Patrick Jervis was gonna get his. Lennard Patrick Jervis tried to shoot 89 year old Arthur Lewis. Lennard Patrick Jervis didn't know that Arthur Lewis was a World War II vet. Lennard Patrick Jervis didn't know that Arthur Lewis was exercising his Second Amendment rights. Lennard Patrick Jervis done got shot six times.

A traffic guard, or flagman, is a person who directs traffic through a construction site or other temporary traffic control zone past an area using signs or flags. They are responsible for maintaining the safety and efficiency of traffic, as well as the safety of road workers, while allowing construction, accident recovery or other tasks to proceed. Traffic guard are commonly used to control traffic when two way roads are reduced to one lane, and traffic must alternate in direction. Most traffic guards are seen as construction workers; but in some nations, they dress or perform as security guards and police officers.

August 27, 2014

This Is Not Hollywood. Not Everyone Wins When They Visit Las Vegas.

As I had mentioned previously, when my niece was down a few weeks ago, I took her shooting for her first time. We started out with a mid-caliber revolver with a single round in the cylinder, this way if the recoil caught her by surprise, she wouldn't be a danger to herself or others around her. We did that a few times until I was confident she could handle the weapon safely, and then we loaded more than one round at a time. A while later we progressed to a semi-automatic pistol with a little more ooomph, we repeated the process, stepping back to one single round until I was again confident she could safely handle a fully loaded weapon. I say this not to toot my own horn, but to highlight the need for an abundance of safety during firearm instruction, especially to new shooters. Whether the student is 9, 19, or 59, the person teaching is 100% responsible for both the student's safety and their actions. Unfortunately, there was a recent instance where caution and safety were replaced stupidity and complacency; both of which kill far easier than firearms.

I would remind you that despite what CNN's Don Lemon says, automatic weapons have been heavily, heavily restricted since 1986. Owning one requires you to pass a six month long colonoscopy courtesy of you local friendly BATFE agent, and a metric shit ton of money since they are exceedingly scarce. One can not just wander onto Slickguns and browse through the fully automatic weapon, in fact if you go to Gunbroker there is currently ONE -- as in a single -- full transferrable automatic weapon for sale. And the opening bid is almost $30,000. Because of this, the only non-military owned automatic weapons are owned either by the police, or by rich folks with too much money. Usually what this means is they're owned by gun ranges who make money by renting them out to fan dumb Americans willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money for a 5 second adrenaline rush. Which is a great business model presuming its done safely, as was obviously not the case in Arizona. It would be like skipping the ride-on-top Tonka truck, skipping the Power Wheels jeep, skipping the training wheels, skipping the bicycle, skipping the go-cart, skipping the Geo Metro in a parking lot, and throwing her the keys to a brand new Corvette Z06 at Nurburgring and saying, "Okay kiddo, have fun." It would be just pure, unadulterated stupidity.

The real loser here is the girl who will most likely grow up thinking she killed the instructor, when in my opinion, he was killed by his own negligence. So hopefully one day when she gets older, she'll be able to understand the difference between physically pulling the trigger, and genuinely being responsible for pulling the trigger. She was essentially an unwilling party thrust into a situation, where through no real fault of her own, bad things were going to happen.

Anyway, on to more important stuff, and today we're going to focus on Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas. I'm pretty sure this photo was taken from The Venetian hotel, looking straight down one of Treasure Island's three legs, directly across the strip. But this second one I'm not so sure of. I suspect it's taken from Harrah's, especially given the heavy tint on the windows.

Evidently yesterday was National Dog day, and I didn't know it. And while this bird knew what was going on, it seems these dogs did not. Honestly, I think it's kind of a dumb idea for the simple reason, every day should be National Dog day. Don't wait until your beloved best friend is down to single digits left on his clock, go out and give him one of those days now, while he's still in the prime of his life and can really enjoy it.

Hi Ernie, To me, the orange thing looks like the handle to a manual air pump. Cheers. Randy (nope!)

Its a Prime Time Toys water gun. Ryker

You want to know how I know life is unfair? Easy. Jon Cryer is among TV's highest paid actors. You're welcome.

Sriracha has rightfully earned its cult following, but the story of this spicy sauce is a mystery to most fans. Dedicated to Sriracha lovers, this fast-paced 30 minute documentary travels around the globe to reveal its origin and the man behind the iconic “rooster sauce.” But if you don't have the time -- or the $3 -- to spare, here are 24 incredible facts and gifs lifted from the movie, explaining all about sriracha and their production process.

Matt Damon -- the very co-founder of Water.org -- was challenged by Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck to take the ALSA Ice Bucket Challenge; his response sheds a positive light on two great causes.

At the second race of the MX5 Cup in Great Britain, driver James Rodgers was trying to pass driver Ben Short on the Hangar Straight at the Silverstone Circuit when Short pulled up next to him and pushes in his left sideview mirror. Some might call it an act of bad sportsmanship, but I think it's just one driver having a bit of fun with another. Either way it's a pretty slick, extremely awesome move.


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