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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
April 1, 2014

"Here Cometh April Again, And As Far As I Can See The World Hath More Fools In It Than Ever." -- Charles Lamb

One of the great media hoaxes of all time was perpetrated on April 1, 1957 by the BBC, which reported on its news program Panorama that Switzerland was experiencing a bumper spaghetti harvest that year thanks to favorable weather and the elimination of the dread "spaghetti weevil." Staged video footage showing happy peasants plucking strands of pasta from tall trees was so convincing that many viewers actually called the network to ask how they could grow their own.

On April 1, 1976 famed British astronomer and radio presenter Patrick Moore announced over the BBC that a rare alignment of the planets Pluto and Jupiter would occur at exactly 9:47 a.m. during which the effects of gravity would be nullified and everyone on earth would feel weightless for a brief moment. "At 9:47, Moore declared, 'Jump now!'" writes Alex Boese of the Museum of Hoaxes. "A minute passed, and then the BBC switchboard lit up with dozens of people calling in to report that the experiment had worked!" But it was all a complete prank, of course, one of the most famous in history.

Some of the best-known pranks in more recent years have been mounted by advertising agencies. In 1996, Taco Bell ran a full-page ad in the New York Times announcing it had purchased the Liberty Bell and would rename it the "Taco Liberty Bell." Burger King pulled off a similar prank in 1998, announcing the rollout of its "Left-Handed Whopper" supposedly designed so that condiments would drip from the right side of the burger rather than the left.

On the Internet, hoaxes are such standard fare that April Fools' Day is barely distinguishable from any other day on the internet, though a few notable pranks stand out and tend to be reposted year after year — e.g., a 1996-vintage announcement to the effect that every computer connected to the World Wide Web must be turned off and disconnected for Internet Cleaning Day, a 24-hour period during which useless "flotsam and jetsam" are flushed from the system. [urbanlegends]

Murray was an American company whose assets are now owned by Briggs & Stratton and Dorel Industries. The corporate brand is a descendant of the Murray Ohio Manufacturing Company, which manufactured bicycles and lawn and garden equipment. It manufactured under a variety of brands, including for other companies. Murray licensed the Stanley brand and produced lawnmowers and snow blowers sold at Wal-Mart and other retailers.

So the season four finale to The Walking Dead aired this past Sunday night. Don't worry, if you haven't watched it yet, I won't be a dickhead and give away any spoilers, other than to say not everything I wished for came true, but I am glad Rick finally steps up his game.

I can smell a trap a mile away. If I find it, I'm fruity tooty nancy pants. How about a picture of this to man shit up a bit. See if you can find that on Google Maps. Back Story: I kept pestering my buddy to do it……Well hold my beer and watch this. The truck had 7k miles on it and he took a 30 mph lunge in to the lake of mud. Luckily the door jams were new and pretty water proof. ¾ ton diesel and all of his tires are slowly spinning. It was dubbed the PT boat after we got pulled out. Ryan [Ernie says: Yes, two men taking a romantic boat ride together, very manly indeed!]

Hello Ernie, "Also, Sean found the actual location of the Wadsworth theatre photo -- turns out it's in fucking Canada!" I don't think so, that sign is in West Los Angeles U.S.A., or wait a minute... did we annex california? I sent you a picture of the location also. Rick

Yeah, that was sort of a typo, I meant to write California. I was looking at the URL when typing, saw the .CA domain and my simple one track mind kind of took over. Meanwhile, I'll just stick to girlie stuff like explaining how railroad signals work.

I dont know if it was just me or what, but 10 Academy Award nominations or not, I wasn't very impressed with American Hustle. Well, I mean it had its redeeming moments, sure. But as a whole? Meh. I was very underwhelmed. But reminding he generak public about the ABSCAM scandal from the 70's/80's was a nice lead into the criminal complaint against California's Democratic State Senator Leland Yee, the latest recipient of the Taiwanese animated news treatment.

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And I think I have one for my Vietname era friends, becauase I presume this language is from Southeastern Asia or thereabouts?

the most bang for your buck: the 21 most affordable AR-10 rifles chambered in 7.62x51mm



March 31, 2014

Given Em An Inch, They'll Take A Mile. And A Half.

The book A Day in Rome means spending a whole day shopping, sightseeing, and getting accustomed to the lifestyle in the Italian metropolis. Nowhere else do culture and lifestyle match as much as in Romefrom the Vatican to the Coliseum, from the Spanish Stairs to the showrooms and shops of the best designers. Contemplate craft industry and modernity. Have an espresso on the wonderful piazzas at sunset, enjoy a good meal in the evening, and then pleasantly end the day by celebrating with the Romans. A Day in Rome comes with four music CDs: Presenting the atmosphere of the city, from modern to classical and from rock to pop.

Throughout his career, Bryant's been talking about as an outsider, specifically when it comes to being the most famous in the world in a sport that's overwhelmingly black. In the March 31 edition of the New Yorker, Bryant had this to say about the Miami Heat's Trayvon Martin hoodie protest back in March of 2012, "I won't react to something just because I'm supposed to, because I'm an African-American,” he said. “That argument doesn't make any sense to me. So we want to advance as a society and a culture, but, say, if something happens to an African-American we immediately come to his defense? Yet you want to talk about how far we've progressed as a society? Well, we've progressed as a society, then don't jump to somebody's defense just because they're African-American. You sit and you listen to the facts just like you would in any other situation, right? So I won't assert myself." And here is Stephen Smith who just got off the phone with Kobe Bryant, so he's able to speak to the controversy surrounding Kobe's comments about Trayvon Martin, and the role of facts versus emotions. And in case you're wondering who Tawana Brawley is.

And in a move that impressed me all to hell, we had FOUR folks track down what issue of Vanity Fair this woman is reading, although I have to tip my hat to Phil who came in first (followed by Johnny, Jan, and Rick). Also, Sean found the actual location of the Wadsworth theatre photo -- turn sout it's in fucking Canada!

Ernie, First, thank you for your effort in running this site. I have been reading it for years and thoroughly enjoy your content and editorials. I found the Vanity Fair Cover from your March 28,2014 update. It is the Italian version from June 27, 2012 with Sara Errani on the cover. I attached a jpg of the cover and the link where I found it. Thanks again for all of your hard work! Phil

Ernie, Would you mind sharing what changed your mind on high capacity semiautomatic rifles? Back on June 26, 2008, you mentioned that owners of AR-15s were sad fucks. The semiautomatic AK clones aren't that different in purpose from ARs and your mention of testing an AK magazine suggests you picked one up. I'm not calling you out on it, it would just be interesting know why you changed your mind. If you like the AK in 7.62x39, give it a try in 5.45x39, if you haven't already. Negligible recoil and you can get 2160 rounds for $284 shipped. A sad fuck, Nathan

For those of you with an excellent memory, I first received and answered Nathan's email about two years ago. And I suppose just like I revised my initial thoughts on AR/AK ownership, I'd like to also take this opportunity revise my answer to Nathan. My opinion wasn't just wrong, it was bloody stupid and teeming with ignorance. I've often thought of pulling that post down just so I don't have to face the occasional shame when someone brings it up, but I won't let myself. Instead, it serves as a reminder of two things. First, sometimes I'm not as fucking smart as I think I am and second, even the most ignorant among us can achieve enlightenment. To the AR/AK guys out there, I really do feel stupid when I revisit my words. I imagine this is what people felt like who claimed the earth was flat, fifteen minutes before Magellan showed up. Not you NASCAR guys though, anyone with a black Chevrolet Monte Carlo with a big slanted "8" painted on each door and NASCAR stickers covering the rear window, is still kind of a tool, in my book. Anyway. So without digressing too far, the reason I revisited this post is to use it as a point of reference for 5.45x39 ammo. Spending only $268 to get 2,160 rounds of surplus ammo shipped to your door? Breaks down to a whopping $0.13/round. That's cheaper than my Mosin stuff.

Quick background: The 7.62×39mm round is a rifle cartridge of Soviet origin that was designed during World War II, and thanks to world's most recognized military pattern rifle was designed for this cartridge -- the AK-47 -- the cartridge is utilized by both militaries and civilians alike. The cartridge remained the Soviet standard until the 1970s, and is still one of the most common intermediate rifle cartridges used around the world. It was replaced in Russian service by the 5.45×39mm cartridge, which is used by the current issue AK-74 and variants.

Ernie, I know of your love for guns. I am certain you have heard the news about banning the import of 5.45x39 surplus ammo, due to someone making a 5.45 pistol. Since 5.45 surplus has a steel core, it is now considered armor piercing pistol ammo. This is truly a sad day. Chris

Modern rifle bullets are usually a lead core surrounded by a very thin layer of steel and surrounded again by a copper jacket. On the flip side, old surplus military ammunition is made entirely of a steel core encased in a copper jacket. This is because steel core ammo was both cheaper to produce and had better ballistics; i.e. because lead is a sort metal and deforms easily, steel core bullets penetrate hard stuff better than lead core bullets do. Now that's not to say that steel core ammunition is armor piercing -- true armor piercing bullets have an extremely hard core, usually made of heat treated tungsten-carbide. But if you ask the BATFE? Yep, steel core ammo is armor piercing. Why? Because they're the fucking BATFE and they say so and and they have no oversight, that's why. Regardless, there's a feel-good law in place that says it's illegal to import steel core ammunition that can be fired from a handgun. Now as previously stated, AKs and SKSs are rifles, so no problem importing steel core 7.62x39, right? Wrong. As of February of 1994 it's been illegal to import such ammo because some yahoo decided to release an AK pistol capable of firing the OMGARMORPIERCING steel core ammo. In banning the import of steel core, the (then) ATF effectively doubles ammunition prices from $90/case to $209/case. And now? Shit, try 560 rounds for $595 or $1.06/round.

Where this comes into play now is, despite the market staying as far away from this as possible for decades, some asshole just recently released an AK pistol chambered in 5.45x39 and guess what? Right on cue the BATFE is pulling out a little something from its first album and banning the import of surplus 5.45x39 ammo. The rumors have been swirling for the last week or so, and things really came to a head on Friday afternoon. [recorded phonecall to the BATFE]

The ban will affect the very inexpensive military surplus ammunition currently on the market and not the bi-metal rounds imported by Wolf Ammunition and others. This will undoubtedly result in an immediate skyrocketing price increase for the military surplus currently in the US. Think I'm kidding? This case was $275 on Friday afternoon. So I urge a word of caution to all my AK-74'ers out there, if you are looking for inexpensive surplus 5.45x39 steel core ammo, you better get while the getting is good. Because like water and real estate, they ain't makin any more of it. And that ain't no joke.

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March 29, 2014

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

the exemplary plane at the very heart of the mh370 mystery

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March 28, 2014

Because Wow, Would That Be Awkward.

Yes, I've seen the road rage karma video and my first thought was this. If it takes you 3+ minutes to pass a fucking delivery truck, you're the problem. Get the fuck out of the bitch. We're not all on vacation.

Björn Borg AB develops and runs the fashion brand "Björn Borg". The company has stores in seven European countries, with Sweden and the Netherlands being the most important ones. New markets are Germany and the United Kingdom. WBM has since 1997 an exclusive trademarks license for the name Björn Borg, which gives them the rights to produce, market and sell Björn Borg products in all countries. It bought full rights to the trademark at the end of 2006. The main products are in the category of undergarments, shoes, purses, glasses and perfume.

For more reasons than I care to get into here, Winnie Cooper Danica McKellar will forever top my list of hottest Dancing With the Stars contestants of all time. In fact, oine might consider Danica to be the exact polar opposite of say, Martina Navratilova.

And as the next picture challenge, I was going to use Google Streetview to track down the location of this photo, but unfortunately, it seems Google hasn't made its way up there as of yet. Therefore I present you with YOUR NEXT MISSION. My hat's off to anyone who can track down WHAT ISSUE OF VANITY FAIR she's reading.

Big Paul Castellano had become jealous of John Gotti's drug dealing and threatened to kill anyone involved with narcotics. He had also acquired enemies when he did not attend the funeral of Aneillo “Neil” Dellacroce, one of his underbosses, and then named Tommy Bilotti, a body guard, as a new underboss despite Bilotti's lack of skills for the job. Castellano and Bilottie were shot dead outside a steak house, on the orders of John Gotti. The men had been lured there with the promise of having a talk with Gotti to “iron things out.”

What plane is flying over your house right now? Rick

Ernie, I thought this was appropriate for your site. Hell, what isn't appropriate?! Cheers, SteveA

Hey Steve, did you know the Dilophosaurus was prominently featured in both Michael Crichton's 1990 novel Jurassic Park, and its 1993 movie adaptation. It is depicted spitting blinding poison, aiming for the eyes to blind and paralyze its prey much like a spitting cobra; in the film, it also has a retractable neck frill around its neck. There is no evidence to support either the frill or the venom spitting, which was acknowledged by Crichton as creative license. In the film, Steven Spielberg also reduced the size of Dilophosaurus to 3 feet tall and 5 feet long in order to avoid confusion with the velociraptors.

Stuart Hall seems to have a decent resume as a producer, although I'm at a loss as to which of his works this could be. The only thing I'm sure of is, it's NOT part of Rosario Dawson's "Burning Man" vagina project.

Miller Genuine Draft was introduced in 1985 as the original cold filtered packaged draft beer, which means that the beer is not pasteurized. The concept for cold-filtered Miller Genuine Draft was developed by product consultant Calle & Company. Martin Calle evolved the concept from Miller's New Ventures effort to launch a new dry beer at a time Miller Brewing was in danger of becoming a much-cloned light beer manufacturer. MGD is actually made from the same recipe as Miller High Life but with a different treatment. It was developed to give High Life drinkers the same taste in a can or bottle as they found in non-pasteurized kegs.

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March 27, 2014

"Nations Are Born In The Hearts Of Poets, They Prosper And Die In The Hands Of Politicians." Muhammad Iqbal.

California State Senator Leland Yee. What can I say. Don't know who he is? He's the guy who wanted to criminilaize the sale of violent video games to minors. He's the guy who wanted registration, background checks and licensing to buy 3D printers. He's the guy who proposed -- among various other things -- a ban on centerfire semi-auto firearms equipped with bullet buttons, and wanted the Department of Justice to conduct a study on local ordinances pertaining to safe storage of firearms? Well where is he now? Oh you know. In federal custody. For arms trafficing. And not just pussy arms trafficing, either, I'm talking telling undercover FBI agents he could put them in touch with international fucking gun dealers (PDF). Now if this guy had remained neutral on gun rights, I really couldn't give a shit either way. But keep in mind this asshole was working to arm organized crime while at the same time, actively trying to strip people of their Second Amendment rights. So yes, I find his fall from grace to be absolutely fucking delicious. Hopefully, Eric Holder won't be too far behind.

It kind of makes me wonder what other California laws that Yee has violated. I mean does he have any respect for California Vehicle Code 22658 governing the removal of motor vehicles from private property? or what about Glendale Municipal Code 10.28.080, which governs parking on private property? Any respect for that? Or is he just like this girl and not give a fucking about those rights, either?

Just another example of how people rely too much on government to keep them safe. So remember what I said folks. When you call 911 in an emergency -- whether you're looking for the fire department to respond to a kitchen fire, or an ambulance for a heart attack, or the police for a break in -- they're not the first responders, you are. YOU ARE. You're the first person who can respond to any threat against your life or your livelihood. So make like any good Boy Scout would, and be prepared. Buy fire extinguishers. Learn first aid. And be prepared to defend yourself. Especially is you live in New Orleans. So wakey wakey, eggs and bacey -- Sportsman's Guise Buyers Club Members can use coupon code SK419 to receive an additional 10% off the non member price -- doubling your club discount to 20% -- up to a maximum of $300 additional discount per item.

A company called Polytech Enterprise Limited acquired used disposable cameras which had been manufactured by Fuji Photo Film Co., Ltd. and sold by Fuji to consumers. Fuji owned several patents on the technology used in the cameras. Polytech refurbished the cameras through a process which included fitting the camera with new film, and in some instances with new flash batteries, repairing the camera case to exclude light following the film reloading operation, repackaging, and relabeling under the trademark of Jazz Photo Corp. The cameras were brought to China to be refurbished, and Jazz Photo then reimported them into the United States for sale. The United States Customs Service intercepted two shipments of these cameras, and sought to prevent their entry into the United States on the grounds that they infringed Fuji's patents. Jazz Photo objected, asserting that the patents were not infringed because, rather than build new cameras incorporating the proprietary technology, Jazz Photo had simply purchased Fuji's own cameras and repaired them.

Ever heard that we're born with all the brain cells we're ever going to have? Ah, that's bullshit. How about the color of your muscus can indicate a viral or bacterial infaction? Horseshit, too. And as for goldfish having 30 second memories? Who told you shit crap, some guy on the fucking internet? Turns out, your whole life has been a lie.

Hi Ernie, we have done a new blog post about underground cottages. Could you put it on ehowa? Garry

We don't keep electing her, the liberal retards in San Francisco keep electing Feinstein and we cant even find anybody to run against her that stands a chance. Did you hear about anti-gun democrat Yee getting busted by the Feds for gun dealing amongst other charges! this is the guy that gave us micro stamping on firing pins in Cali and wanted to register 3D printers because they could make guns, I guess he didn't want any competition for his illegal acts! Anyway check into him and see what you find. Love the site and I try to send a little to LBEH every year and wish I could do more. thanks for all you do! Roaddog

Just when you thought you were out, Putin pull us back in: Red Dragon is set during the height of the Cold War and sees NATO and the Warsaw Pact countries prepare for war in a whole new theatre. THANKS OBAMA.

A bunk bed is a type of bed in which one bed frame is stacked on top of another. The nature of bunk beds allows two or more people to sleep in the same room while maximizing available floor space. This leads to them being used in places with limited floor space, such as on ships and in army garrisons or in places that wish to maximize bedspace such as: dormitories, summer camp cabins, hostels, children's rooms, prison cells, or university residence halls. Bunk beds are normally supported by four poles or pillars, one at each corner of the bed. To get to the second bunk a ladder is used. The top bed is normally surrounded by a railing to prevent the sleeper from falling out, and some models also have a privacy curtain for the lower bunk.

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure this Rotweillers is purring.

Grover Cleveland Alexander, nicknamed "Old Pete", was an American Major League Baseball pitcher who played for the Philadelphia Phillies, Chicago Cubs, and St. Louis Cardinals, and was elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1938. Alexander's 90 shutouts are a National League record and his 373 wins are tied with Christy Mathewson for first in the National League record book. He is also third all time in wins, tenth in innings pitched (5190), second in shutouts, and eighth in hits allowed (4868). Suffering from epilepsy, haunted by his experiences in combat during World War I and shadowed by the dark side of alcoholism, Grover Cleveland Alexander led the league in ERA on four occasions, wins in six different seasons, complete games six times and shutouts during seven campaigns.

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