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Hey Ernie...glad you had fun on your cruise. I was having a substantially more fucked up weekend as it turned out... A warning to all dog owners out there...if you think because they grow everywhere, foxtails are free, let my experience be a cautionary tale to you to keep your best friend and loyal companion the fuck out of them at all times. Playing ball with Lucky on Thurs...bad bounce, ball and dog end up in a big patch of foxtails. Dog comes out without ball - immediate concern on my part as that just doesn't happen. Ever. Dog paws at nose and sneezes once, twice, 5 times, 10 times. Fuck. I know immediately that bad bounce is going to fuck my whole world up. Call vet - appointment for Fri after work - best they can do. Go in at 4:45. Dog sneezing, but lively, in good spirits. Vet wants to explore, but too late to do anasthetic - dog has to be knocked out to shove a scope up his nose - go figure. Already I'm seeing dollar signs. Vet refers me to a vet who's open later. They can do it but don't have the right rhinoscope. Fuck! They refer me to the emergency clinic, automatically 25% more expensive. They tell me to bring him in there in the morning if the dog's comfortable as the more experienced vet will be there. Bring him in Saturday - he's asymptomatic. Not so much as a sniffle. Really cute blond vet writes up the estimate as a low and high range and I just about crap myself looking at both. She tells me that since he's lively and not sneezing that maybe he sneezed it out, or maybe it wasn't a foxtail, and I should wait & see. Next morning Lucky wakes me up at 5:50 AM sneezing his fucking head off. 10-12 in a row, couple fits like that and it's hard to watch. He tires himself out sneezing, so by the 4th or 5th sneeze he's going "sneez-bang!" smacking his chin on the floor. sigh. I pack up the dog and off to the hospital we go. More hot vets and now 4 extra hot vet techs. I'm going to start hanging out at the vet clinic from now on I think. Anyway, the vet tells me that she hopes they can get to it, because if it's worked its way into his sinuses, then it's surgery - which could be $5-7,000. At which point I would be faced with the most difficult decision of my life, and naturally the result of that decision would be years of paying off debt. I try not to think about that for the next few hours and thankfully, 4 hours later, I pick up my pooch, who's groggy and drug addled - and after they'd removed a 3 cm foxtail from his nose. For reference, that's about the size of an average dude's thumbnail. 1/2" deeper in, and it would have invaded his sinuses. Dogs can also suck 'em into the lungs, and wherever they go they usually cause an infection which can kill the dog. I never knew so much about fucking foxtails before and now that I do I recognize them for what they are: pure evil. They serve no purpose other than to fuck with animals, dogs included. So I implore every one of your readers - keep your dumb dog the hell out of foxtails at all times. It's the season right now, so keep an eye out when hikiing with the pup and make sure you practice your recall skills so if he starts tearing off into the direction of them you can get him to stop. More on the dangers of foxtails here. ~Scott

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