E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

1. Bet Ya Can't Clap -- 20 points. You must take your picture standing with an amputee, either arm below the elbow or leg below the knee. No pussies missing fingers, and no fakes holding your knee bent like "Bud" on "JAG". [+15 points if they show the stub, +15 points if they are wearing/show their prostetic, +DNR in effect]

2. Cast Away -- 20 points. Find someone wearing a plaster cast, write "EHOWA" on their cast using tape, paint/dye the entire cast blue, and then peel off the tape to reveal a "website style" EHOWA. [+15 points for a picture of them drinking a beer while you work on it, +15 points for big surgery scars, +DNR rule in effect]

3. Corrupt Em When They're Young -- 15 points. A picture of a baby with "EHOWA" written on an article of their clothing. [+15 points if you can get them to hold an empty beer bottle, +15 points for scattered Playboy magazines in the background, +DNR NOT in effect]

4. Cuff Em and Stuff Em -- 20 points. Picture of a police officer escorting someone in handcuffs. [+15 points if the person is in an orange (or comparable) jumpsuit. +15 points if they're escorting into a police station/courthouse, +DNR rule in effect]

5. Dead Man Walking -- 20 points. Someone on your team has been shot while walking down a public street! Have them lie down and outline their body with chalk, with EHOWA written next to their body. This must be a daytime picture. [+25 points if a crowded city street with ACTUAL bystanders in the background, +5 points for the "murder weapon" nearby, +DNR in effect.]

6. Ernie For President -- 20 points. Acquire and modify a political yard sign to get me into a public office. Acceptable names are "Ernie" or "Ernest". [+15 points if the sign doesn't have to be modified at all, +15 points if you repost this sign outside your city hall, +DNR in effect]

7. Friends in Low (and High) Places -- 15 points. Climb or decend, it's up to you. A picture of someone from your team who has climbed somewhere high, or crswled down somewhere low. Stairs don't count. neither does yout basement. Use your imagination. [+5 to +35 bonus points based on merit, +DNR in effect]

8. Follow That Taxi -- 20 points. A picture of a OBVIOUSLY Middle Eastern cab driver. [+15 points if they're wearing a turban, +15 points if they hold the sign, +DNR in effect]

9. Going Up -- 15 points. A picture of your team displaying a big "EHOWA" sign in the windows of a tall building. Picture must be taken from the ground floor and the sign MUST be liegible. [Floors 2-6 are +5 points each, floors 6 and up are +10 points each, +DNR rule in effect]

10. Hog Heaven -- 20 points. The female of your group must post for a picture with a Harley guy. Harley guy must have a shaggy beard and be wearing official Harley Davidson attire. [+15 points if he's sitting on his motorcycle, +15 points if he's holding a beer, +DNR in effect]

11. House of Road Pizza -- 15 points. Place an EHOWA sign on the ground next to the nastiest, grossest piece of roadkill you can find. No domesticated animals (dogs, cats...) please. [+5 to +35 points depending on how gross your roadkill is as compared to the other teams.]

12. I'm Out Like A Mullet -- 20 points. Picture standing next to a guy with a mega-mullet. Not your regular mullet mind you, but a mullet where I'll open the picture and say "damn!". [+15 points if the mullet is wearing a t-shirt from an 80's rock band, +15 points if they're sitting in a camaro/transam, +DNR in effect]

13. Landscaping with EHOWA -- 20 points. You must make an EHOWA sign out of Mother Earth. Stomped in snow, tracked in mud, trim a bush, etc. This must be a BIG sign that requires the picture be taken from a considerable height (so simply dragging a pointy stick through your garden won't cut it). [+15 points if done in a visibly public place, +15 points if the work required the use of tools, +DNR in effect]

14. Man Down -- 15 points. Find my tombstone. Or as closely as possible, anyway. The deceased's first name must be "Ernie". [+15 points if they've got my last name "Stewart", +15 points if they've got my birth month/year of May 1972, +DNR in effect]

15. My Name In Lights -- 25 points. Know those signs that stores use, where they're made up one letter at a time and are used to advertise weekly specials and such? Hijack one of these signs and change the letter around to turn it into EHOWA propoganda. [+15 points if McDoanld's or Burger King sign, +15 points if you can get additional verbage beyond the reuired "EHOWA" (i.e. EHOWA ROCKS, I Love EHOWA, etc), +DNR in effect]

16. Old McDonald -- 20 points. Picture taken with the asshole end of a farm animal. Again, no domesticated animals (dogs, cats). Must be horse, cow, llama, goat, etc. [+15 points if the animal has visibly hanging balls, +15 points if you're touching them, +DNR in effect]

17. He Could Go All The Way -- Simple. A picture of guy and a girl from your team stripped down to their sexy underwear. On a football field. You'll receive the points from whatever yard line you're standing on. Yard marked MUSt be visible to score. [+DNR in effect, but only if BOTH do it.]

18. The Great Pumpkin -- 20 points. To Hell with the Jack-o-lantern face. Get a BIG pumpkin and carve a nice EHOWA sign. [+10 to +20 points for merit, +DNR in effect]

19. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles -- 20 points. You. Your EHOWA sign. On public transportation. Other passengers are a must. [+15 points for graffiti in the background, +15 points if you get a city employee in the picture, +DNR in effect]

20. Seeing Double -- 20 points. You must set the screensaver of a computer at a store (Best Buy/Circuit Sity/etc), to scrolling marquee of "EHOWA". Two computer minimum, and remember the text has to be legible. [+10 points per additional computer with a +50 maximum, +DNR in effect]

21. Super Size That -- 30 points. Fast food restaurant. Photographer outside, our subject inside with "EH/WA" written on their ass. Press asscheeks right up against window. Daytime picture required. [+15 points if McDoanld's or Burger King, +15 points if instead of asscheeks you use a girl's tits, +DNR not in effect]

22. Crikey! Tard Wrangling 101 -- 20 points. Picture with a nice juicy tard! [+15 points if the tard is smiling, +15 points if tard is in a wheelchair (known as a "Go'tard", +DNR in effect]

23. The Darker the Berry -- 20 points. Holding an EHOWA sign next to a stripper. Not to hard, eh? Oh but the stripper has to be black, because they're much harder to find. [+15 points if you get her to hold the sign, +15 points if a bouncer in the picture, +DNR in effect but only if the stripper shows too]

24. The Four Branches -- 20 points each. A picture standing next to members of each of our four branches of the military (Army, navy, Air Force, Marines). Total of 4 pictures. [+10 points if taken in a parade setting (Veteran's Day is Nov 11), +DNR NOT in effect]

25. Those Are Some Big Owls -- 25 points. Picture of a Hooters girl with an EHOWA sign. [+15 points if you can get her to hold the sign, +15 points if taken in Hooters, +DNR definitely in effect]

26. Trip To Munchkinland -- 25 points. Standing with a midget! Call em little people, dwarves, whatever, but either way you need a picture of one. And not just a damned short person either, a bonified midget. [+15 points if they're standing on something to make them your height, +15 points if they're pants are rolled up, +DNR in effect]

27. Wash Me -- 20 points. You must use your finger to write "EHOWA.COM" on the back of a very dirty tractor-trailor. [+15 points if picture is of truck in traffic, +15 points if it's a beer truck, +DNR in effect]

28. We're On The Air -- 25 points. This one's an audio requirement. You must send in an audio clip of one of your local radio stations saying "EHOWA" on the air. Whether it be by coercion or trickery, it's up to you. No longer than 30 second clip. [+15 points if they say their call letters, +15 points if female DJ, +DNR not in effect]

29. Your Four-Lettered Friend -- 15 points each. Holding an EHOWA sign and standing in front of a beer truck. Domestic beer only, no imports. [+10 points for a Sam Adams truck, +DNR in effect]

30. Open Mission -- 15 points. This I leave up to you. Hold an EHOWA in front of a store with a funny sign. Two bums fighting. Hookers. Two people fucking in a car, whatever. Use your imagination. [+5 to +35 points based on merit, +DNR in effect]

A total of 10 teams made it to the second round in the scavenger hunt, but only pictures from the top 7 teams were featured here for bandwidth reasons.