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E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
LET'S BRING EM HOME 2018 HAS COMPLETED 99 TICKETS SO FAR!
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Subject: RE: ticket please help From: "Chuck Francis" chuckfrancis@charter.net Dear Uncle Ernie, Last night I got pulled along with my brother who was in front of me. He was doing about 96 in a 60 and I saw the NC trooper a good bit before he did, and slowed to about 75 before he could even see me. Anyway we pass he pulls out from facing the other direction under a bridge, and we slow down to 60 and I think he is going to just get my brother. But NO he gets beside us and starts steering towards us so we both pull over. I was very polite and said yes sir no sir, and told him that I was doing about 75 when I saw him or passed him. And he said no way you were right behind the other car when it was more like 50 ft. but I cant argue that no matter what he is right. So we ended up getting the same exact ticket 96 in a 60 zone plus he throws reckless into both off them. So is there any thing that I can do or what do I need to do to get this dropped or seriously reduced? I am 17 and my brother is 19 he has got a good amount of tickets before so he is pretty much screwed anyway! But my record is clean and this is my first offence. To some it up I would like to know if there is anything that would help me out with a reckless driving and 96 in a 60 zone. Please email me back and tell me what you think. Thank you for your time. Chris Francis |
You're 17 (inexperienced driver) You're driving at 60% OVER the speed limit. That makes you...a fucking idiot. |
At 0854 AM 5/19/2003, "Chuck Francis" Ernie, This is Chris' dad... ... ... thank you for the profane answer you gave my son! You are certainly a role model that I will encourage him not to make further contact with. He emailed you in good faith and all you did was use profanity ... thanks a lot! Chuck Francis |
Dear Chuck, I ran out of good toilet paper this morning. Which doesn't mean much at first, until you realize that means I had to resort to a roll of the cheap stuff, something I normally reserve for camping. So anyway, I'm vigorously wiping my ass after a particularly mystical bowel movement and wouldn't you know it, my thumb pushes through the cheap toilet paper. So there I am, standing there completely dumbfounded, with my thumb up my ass. And then it occurs to me, "Hey this is kind of how Chuck is with parenting!" Because you see Chuck, what I'm kind of shocked by is with all the drama surrounding your stupid ass sons right now, you choose to focus on an email with the word "fucking" in it. Because that's certainly the best place to focus your energies as a parent right now, huh? Since you're too fucking stupid to do it on your own, I'll help you take a closer look at just how close your sprogs came to cleansing themselves from the gene pool. Which wouldn't upset me in the least mind you, I just like proving I can do math in my head. In the interest of not getting you too confused, I'll refer to your 19 year old son as "Dumb Shit #1" and the younger 17 year old as "Dumb Shit #2" -- both of which are inexperienced drivers I'd like to remind you. Let's watch a movie together, Chuck. I call it The DumbShits Reloaded.
See Chuck that's how things could have turned out. In fact they would have if I were The Architect. But alas, I'm just some guy on the internet whom I don't mind telling you, if I had come to my father at age 17 with a 96mph speeding ticket, I'd still be trying to fish the car keys out of my ass. Let's not focus on the fact that both of your kids were driving well beyond their means. Let's not focus on the fact that one already has a history of driving like a fucking asshole, and the second is well on his way. Let's not focus on the fact that unless you as a parent intervene, you're probably going to have to scrape these two assholes off the pavement one of these days. Let's not focus on the fact that the younger of these two isn't looking to take responsibility for driving like an asshole, but instead looking for a way to weasel out of it. No, let's focus on the fact that I like to use the word "fuck" because hey that's what's really important there, right? The birth of your sons marked the death of self-responsibility. But if the reverse is true, I'll wager it won't be too long before the latter is reborn. Your kids are fucking stupid, and after reading your letter, I think I know where they got it. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful; hate me because I'm right. Ernie "The Hammer" Corleone |
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