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RE: Humor: An Urgent Message from the NAACP

"Donesha Green" "doneshag99@yahoo.com" wrote:

How I got on your stupid email mailing list I don't know. It is obvious that you are white trash b/c you have to sit and write such stupid and ignorant nonintellectual emails and mail them out. I have asked to be removed from your mailing list b/c you are the most hard-up ass hole that I've ever come into contact with.

Yes, I am a black woman! And to be honest, I didn't find your email to be offensive, but down right stupid. Do you know any black people personally? If you did, you would know that we could care less for shit like this. But then again, you would classify for the class of white trash that you are to even think that we concern ourselves with such garbage. In the future, concern yourself with topics that you are more in line with b/c when you pull shit our of your ass, it's normally shitty! But I've seen a picture of you and so is your face.

How about this one. Stupid is as Stupid does. I know it's a white thing and us black folk just don't understand.

Never email me again you gay bastard!

When it rains, it pours, eh?

Donesha, you dumb cunt.

Well, I could pull a whole array of jokes based entirely off your name obviously your parents wanted a boy and had planned on naming him "Donald" but you crawled out of your mother's poisonous cootchie pie instead. Imagine how disappointed your father must have been. Now instead of playing ball with his son, he's got to go chasing his hump of a daughter around as she sucks dick for gas money behind the local 7-11.

Anyway, I found your e-mail quite disturbing on many levels, and I'd like to address each one of them in turn please.

"How I got on your stupid email mailing list I don't know."

The answer to this little life mystery? Well, you might have pondered that one around on or about Tuesday September 12th of last fucking year. Yeah, you've "accidentally" been subscribed and receiving my posts for over six fucking months now. Somehow, you've only chosen to question this little unsolved mystery now. Pretty on top of things you are, and not just cock either.

"...you are white trash b/c you have to sit and write such stupid and ignorant nonintellectual emails..."

Wrong again, crack whore. Much like the footer that goes out on *every single fucking post* states, I just collect em and forward em out. Except for custom little answers like this one, so I hope you feel special you know, kind of like when you get tipped $2.

"...you are the most hard-up ass hole that I've ever come into contact with..."

Really? Me? Why thank you! Whilest I do find this heard to believe because I know plenty of people more hard up then me, but I will admit to masturbating around, eh, let's call it an even twice a day. Sometimes thrice, but that's rare.

"Yes, I am a black woman!"

You don't say. Ya know, somehow I don't think it was necessary that you announce this, as the tone of your letter (along with the name "Donesha") clued in all but the most clueless. I'm a little slower then most so I worked it out with a crayon (black) and some construction paper (white). Me personally, I don't care that you're a black woman. I don't you expect to care that I'm a white man. Can you explain to me what fucking difference does it makes either way?

"Do you know any black people personally?"

Oh gee, why of course not. I have lived my entire 29 years, in six different states, both in and out of the military sector, in a dozen or so jobs since I was 14, through a dozen years public schools, through some college, and never ever ONCE had contact with "those black folks". Ever. Well I mean I saw some once but they just hastily climbed aboard their mule and hastened out of town, as the rest of us white folks just stared in disbelief. Then we all boarded the steamship and rode up and down the fucking Mississippi.

"...to even think that we concern ourselves with such garbage..."

Ah yes, I've heard of many people using a fucking joke list for their sole source of information regarding issues of great social impact. Fuck, AIDS research didn't even begin until after I had sent out three homosexual jokes. Or maybe it was four. Elian? I told Bill not to let that little fucker go until my contest was over. Are you really so God damned clueless as to actually think that I give a flying fuck what you consider what is and what isn't important? Want redeeming social value? Buy a fucking newspaper.

"...when you pull shit our of your ass, it's normally shitty!"

Now here's a fucking jewel of wisdom to live by Donesha, thank you. I'll be sure to pass this along to my children, and my children's children. That and, "When I pull boogers out of my nose, they're usually boogery!" Do you realize just how fucking stupid you sound? I don't think you do, but I'm doing what I can to help you out. See that? I'm a helper.

"I've seen a picture of you and so is your face."

Ah, can't let the e-mail pass without a reference to the ol rugged good looks, eh? All this from the same girl who's got the inside doorhandle of a '72 Oldsmopbile imprinted on her forehead, from spending so many sweaty nights trying to make ends meet. Don't worry darlin, that doesn't make you less of a person in my eyes, just a go-getter.

"Stupid is as stupid does. I know it's a white thing and us black folk just don't understand."

Where were you the last time I sent our a Polish joke? Or a Jewish joke? Or a male chauvanistic joke? I didn't see you writing in on belalf of poultry rights after the, "Why did the chicken cross the road" joke you hypocritical fuck. Christ, fucking people can't even pass along an article of satire without some bleeding heart pointing a fucking finger and screaming racial biggotry until they're blue in the face (no pun intended).

"Never email me again you gay bastard!"

Too late. But what's with the gay reference? Are you Canadian too?

In closing dear, I'd like to kindly suggest that you re-evaluate your fucking priorities before getting up for work tomorrow. I've found nothing pisses me off then to get a letter from some stupid asshole with a "My People" attitude, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone here. For a few brief moments I actually considered about telling you about some of my black friends. (One of which has the middle name "Marcellus" how fucking powerful is that, eh? Kids, if you want a name that will make your enemies think twice about trying to kick your ass, fuck your girl, and drive your car home, that's it!) But then I thought to myself, "fuck you," and that I don't have to explain myself to anybody especially some two bit tramp who can't get over the color of *my* skin.

If you've been on the list for as long as you have then you know three things.

One, I offend everyone as equally as I possibly can and take great pride in doing so. If you don't like it, then pull your panties up over your eyes, crawl back into your house, shut the door and fucking lock it because it's a cruel world out here and there's no room for fuckheads such as yourself who can't take shrug off the little things.

Two, the only ethnic group of people that I prejudge as, "not my equal until proven otherwise", are those fucking Canadians.

And three, I am not gay, God dammit! Mr Hat, Mr Hat is gay!

Hey Donesha America is supposed to be the great melting pot so fucking MELT already.