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Julie Smith jcsmith@rmc.edu

At 02:26 PM 4/9/97 -0400, jcsmith@rmc.edu wrote:

Mr. Stewart,

I do not wish to suscribe to your sorry ass humor list. Fist of all I never subscribed but one of my stupid friends accidentally passed this along to me. I was not pleased to say the least and I do not care that you don't want to hear this. If you are thinking that I don't have a sense of humor you can stop thinking right then because I do, BUT my sense of humor is one of wit and intelligence as I do not need to put down or disrespect others of differing religions, races, sexes..etc... It is apparent that you are very sexist because all of your pathetic attempts at "jokes" are focused on females and none on males. I found none of these remotely humorous. In fact all of them were very offensive and demeaning to women. Also your efforts in appearing as merely a man who can laugh at life is again pathetic because there are many other ways to get your kicks besides making fun of people to that extent. Have a nice day.

Sincerly yours

Julie Smith

Dearest Julie,

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I do this, but I feel I have a moral obligation to rain reality down into your little sunshine parade. As to make this as easy to understand as possible, I will address your comments in the order you have presented them to me.

Mr. Stewart,

You're recognizing me as an authority figure. That's a good start. Of course I'd prefer you capitalize the "S", but I'm not one to squabble.

I do not wish to suscribe to your sorry ass humor list.

Well that is good. In fact, as I review my subscription list, I see that your name is not on it. And I'll have you know I get compliments on my ass regularly. P.S. We here in America don't "suscribe" ...we "subscribe".

Fist of all I never subscribed but one of my stupid friends accidentally passed this along to me.

You have stupid friends, what a surprise! And while I do not advocate "fisting" myself (man that's gotta hurt), I can respect your sexual preferences for what they are. Live and let live, I say.

I was not pleased to say the least and I do not care that you don't want to hear this.

Well actually, I'm really indifferent about this because I don't know you from a bag of shit. I probably wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire. So don't fret.

If you are thinking that I don't have a sense of humor you can stop thinking right then because I do, BUT my sense of humor is one of wit and intelligence as I do not need to put down or disrespect others of differing religions, races, sexes..etc...

While your e-mail just overflows with, "wit and intelligence", I'll take this opportunity to point out your run-on sentence.

It is apparent that you are very sexist because all of your pathetic attempts at "jokes" are focused on females and none on males.

On the contrary. I have a deep respect for women. Who else would do my laundry and cook my dinner? And besides, it's not going to suck itself, if ya know what I mean. Actually, I have as many jokes about men as I do women -- but I will admit that most of the jokes about women are much more crude. This of course is due to the *author*, not myself, *the distributor*.

I found none of these remotely humorous.

Well that's great. I'm sure many men don't find you even remotely attractive. But I still don't see the sense of publicizing that on the internet.

In fact all of them were very offensive and demeaning to women.

Yes, especially the one labeled "9 types of boyfriends", Ooo! Ooo! And especially the "Guys suck" one. Whhoooiiiee, I had some angry chicks after that! Didn't you like the post from the 1950's text book?

Also your efforts in appearing as merely a man who can laugh at life is again pathetic because there are many other ways to get your kicks besides making fun of people to that extent.

Wow, I'm really a stickler for good grammar, and these run-on sentences are killing me. Anyways. I have many ways of getting my kicks. Usually I masturbate while watching either "Baywatch" or the pink "Mighty Morphing Power Ranger", because hey, I'm merely a man.

Have a nice day.

And I bid you the greatest day as well!!

Sincerly yours

Hmm...not signed I see. That's okay, I understand.

In closing, it comes down to this. I send out a certain style of humor to a select bunch of people. All these people ASK for this humor. You did not ask for it yet still received it. BUT, I wasn't the person who sent it to you. Soooooooooo.........who's the real villian here??

Ernie

...throwing my hands up in the air ...and chicks wonder why I fuck with them.