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Ryan Fears wrote:

Dear Bert and Ernie:

I think your funny list sucks. You guys are about as original and funny with your jokes as the seven day itch is enjoyable. I am so sick of your shitty jokes that I cant stand to see I received a message from you when I turn on my cpu and access my e-mail. Please do all your present subscribers a favor and find a new job. Youre worthless.

Thanks a lot,

Ryan Fears

Dear Ryan,

Nothing brightens my day more then to receive some intellegent, constructive criticism from one of my esteemed subscribers. Unfortunately, you are neither intellegent nor esteemed. In fact, it is overly obvious that you are some back woods, corn husking, pigs feet eating, banjo playin choad who is more then happy to suck dick for beer money.

And it is also apparent to me that you are currently working your way through the 8th grade education level, so by my estimates you're somewhere around 37 years of age. Considering this, I didn't think that it would be air for me to respond to you in the traditional fashion of comment/answer, comment/answer, but since I am not a fair person, here goes.

You guys are about as original and funny with your jokes as the seven day itch is enjoyable.

Well you see, this is not an entirely relevent comparison. I'm sure that some people actually enjoy the seven day itch. While myself having never experienced it, cannot relate to your affliction, would recommend some nice topical cream be generously applied to the infected area. (There have been a lot of incredible advances in topical creams over the last few years...) And for God's sake Ryan, stop hanging around playgrounds.

I am so sick of your shitty jokes that I cant stand to see I received a message from you when I turn on my cpu and access my e-mail.

Well, I don't think that you're sick because of my jokes, but because you're on day forty three of your seven day itch. So my best advice nowwould be to pack you and your eighteen illegitimate children into your little fucking buggy and mosey on into town to see the Doc.

Please do all your present subscribers a favor and find a new job.

But Ryan, my job as a blacksmith means that I can provide free shoes to your sister. Certainly you don't want to give up that little perk, do you? I mean think about it...she can't pull the buggy...you can't make it into town...your dick rots off. See how I'm always here helping the insignificant people like you out? Man, I tell you, I'm the greatest.

Youre worthless.

Is my kindness and compassion met with such unappreciativeness? It certainly appears so. Don't fret Ryan, I'll be here long after you will. I am eternal.

Well, in closing, just wanted to say thanks for writing in. And remember, when working for your beer money, try to breathe through your nose and surpress that gag reflex.

Warmest regards,

Dirty Old Ernie

PS. Tell your sister that I want to play "Pearl Harbor" again. That's where I lay down and she blows the shit out of me.