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"smu2002@aol.com" wrote:

Please do not use profanity in your newsletter.

Ernie wrote:

Please suck my balls.

Smu2002@aol.com wrote:

Hey thanks, you are a real class act. I wish you the best of luck in your foul white trash world. I would just imagine that you also are low income and live in a HUD housing development. Your mother was probably a whore and your wife is definitely the most stupid white trash bitch in the world for marrying a white trash deranged and demented pathetic fool like you. Oh, I really hope you haven't been allowed to breed-what a funny thing that would be. Hey, I bet you smoke and drink beer and have a big fat beer belly. Do ya deer hunt also? Do ya have a nickname of Bubba?

Hey you deluded and unhinged piece of vomit white trash-don't you know that gentleman and educated people know a few more words than your limited shallow and pitiful vocabulary. You are a rabid and stark mad lunatic white trash who bathes in your own puke. Your slobber drips from your pimple pocked face. If you have been allowed to breed may someone have mercy on your unintelligent little pieces of psychotic bastard children and at least castrate them before they get some other piece of female garbage white trash pregnant.

Hey carrion breath-see you later. Why don't you go to your usual whore (your wife) and have her do what you ask me to do.

You Semen Soaked Sweat Sock,

I would like to take this opportunity to point out the painful absence of profanities in your message. Let me assure you this problem will not go unresolved, as I'll be sure to include enough vulgarities in my response to cover the quota for about three or four e-mails.

That out of the way, let's get down to fucking business, shall we?

Indeed sir, I surely am a class act. I am the essence of overconfidence. I am speculation, adventure; the spirit of pursuit; the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life. I am appetite.

I am not married as I fully enjoy spreading my vile seed across all mankind like a ravenous uncontrollable cancer. I have banged chicks from thirteen different states. You will know my children when you see them. My children will be the ones stamping "DENIED" on your children's mortgage application. My children will be the ones who drive fancy imported sports cars and will run over your grandchildren as they cross the street, knocking their lifeless bodies aside like tumbling sacks of shit caught in a windstorm. My children will be the ones to interrupt your memorial services with a bill of $300 for a broken headlight.

My very existance, sir, is the cold wet fucking tongue that snakes and kisses along the back of your neck when the police knock on your door at 2am to inform you of your wife's demise in a car accident. You will behold my laughter in the form of flashing red and blue lights, effortlessly piercing my way into your home and dancing across your living room walls with the blithe nature of a newborn gazelle tasting delicious grass for the first time. I am the fist in yout belly, twisting and pulling on your guts when you hear your dog's final yelp after running out into the street during your Labor day barbeque. I live in your heart, in your soul, in your very fucking existance. I am all the misfortune, disappointment, and hardship you have ever experienced in your entire life, all rolled into one and then multiplied by the regret you feel for not swallowing the business end of a shotgun like your mother tld you to do when you were twelve. You will never be rid of me, as I will travel with you where ever you go.

You may not embrace me. You may not love me. But by the love of sweet Jesus, you *will* fear me.

In parting, I leave you with some lyrics from the up and coming Native American rapper, "Chief Red Horny Toad"

And sir, I smoke cigars and have a *big* *big* fat beer belly.

Ernie "Wow I never knew he could be so dark" Corleone

PS - Why would I ask my wife clean my septic tank?