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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
July 21, 2014

Yeah, We're On A Restricted Work Load Today.

a cat wearing a shark outfit on a roomba chasing a duckling

well, it's been 4 days, where is the presidential speech of this caliber?

"sex tape" may not skimp on the naughty stuff, but there's very few genuine laughs

as i predicted: ak-47 buying panic begins and ammo prices have started to creep up a bit

your sickday boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve - thirteen



July 19, 2014

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

one

two - what happened to the very first fortune 500? - three

four - 16 shocking photos of addiction that'll make you never want to try drugs ever again - five

six - - seven

eight - so i guess even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while: chalk one up for joe biden - NINE

ten - wonder what police dogs do on their day off - eleven

TWELVE


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July 18, 2014

"I am Jehovah thy God, Open thy Mouth Wide, and I Will Fill It." Psalm 81:10.

Yesterday I took the TT in for an oil change and as I was pulling into the dealer, I pulled up behind this sweet ass 550hp jaguar F-TYPE R. Later when I got home, I did some Googling about Jaguars and such, and stumbled across some new technology they have coming down the pipe. It's almost an exact copy of the features of an old Playstation game, Gran Turismo 3, were you had to "qualify for a license." To help you do so, the game automatically highlights the optimal path through the turns; following the highlighted route yields the best track times. Imagine if that kind of technology could be incorporated into a real life winsehield, right? Well wonder no fucking further, becauyse Juguar is all over that shit. Complete with ghost car image.

Mallory squeegees are made with a durable wiper blade to resist abrasion and include a scrub-net covering for the sponge so they work harder and last longer. The standard 15" and 20" long squeegees include a solid plastic handle with molded grip. Metal head, wooden handle squeegees are also available. The longer 42" squeegee has an anodized aluminum handle so it is ideal for trucks, vans, and pick-ups.

Saint Lawrence of Rome was one of the seven deacons of ancient Rome under Pope Sixtus II that were martyred during the persecution of Emperor Valerian in 258. As deacon in Rome, St Lawrence was charged with the responsibility for the material goods of the Church and the distribution of alms to the poor. After the death of Sixtus, the prefect of Rome demanded that St Lawrence turn over the riches of the Church. St Lawrence asked for three days to gather together the wealth and during that time, worked swiftly to distribute as much Church property to the poor as possible, so as to prevent its being seized by the prefect. On the third day, at the head of a small delegation, St Lawrence presented himself to the prefect, and when ordered to give up the treasures of the Church he presented the poor, the crippled, the blind and the suffering, and said these were the true treasures of the Church. This act of defiance led directly to his martyrdom and can be compared to the parallel Roman tale of the jewels of Cornelia. The prefect was so angry that he had a great gridiron prepared, with coals beneath it, and had Lawrence's body placed on it. After the martyr had suffered the pain for a long time, the legend concludes, he made his famous cheerful remark, "I'm well done. Turn me over!" Anyway, I bet you didn't know this is where we derive the term 'celebrity roast' from (7/45)!

I grew up in Torrance so I made this one a mission. I knew that the blue sign you thought was a bank sign was actually a Beach Parking sign so I started in Torrance Beach. Topography didn't match, no tall buildings. So I thought tall buildings near the beach in LA. Santa Monica. Jackpot. Dave

Hey Ernie - Thanks for the site, long time fan, stick figures, mailing list, etc... I didn't see an answer to Wednesday's "Moderately Hard Photo Challenge". The blue sign looked like it was a "Beach Parking" sign from Santa Monica, CA. Even though it's been years since I've been back to my hometown, it looked like she was on Main Street. Sure enough, she's at Sparky's Frozen Yogurt at 3110 Main St. right at the border between Santa Monica and Venice. She might have gotten the coffee from the Starbucks that used to be next door. You can see the red plastic chairs stacked just inside their door. here's a better view of the blue Beach Parking sign. Tom

Earlier this week, 5' tall 100-pound former college gymnast champ Kacy Catanzaro became the first woman to complete Esquire TV's American Ninja Warrior course and move on to the next level, Mount Midoriyama. All we can say is watch it for yourself, but get ready for some sympathetic arm pain. Also? HOT. AS. FUCK.

Now from the Never-Let-A-Good-Crisis-Go-To-Waste Department, He Who Shall Not Be Named decided now would be a good time for some backdoor gun control, by issuing an Executive Order banning most Russian firearms from import under the guise of sanctions against Russia. And no, not kidding. Some speculate that will alslso soon be applied to Russian manufactured ammunition, such as Wolf and Silver bear. Also, AIDS research is now completely fucked. So just for the record, if this is some sort of precursor to an alien invasion, or some subterranean species about to wage war on humankind, I'm cheering for the aliens.

Alberto-Culver was an American corporation with international sales whose principal business is manufacturing hair and skin beauty care products under such brands as Alberto VO5, Andrew Collinge, St. Ives skin care products, TRESemmé, FDS, Consort, and Nexxus. It is a manufacturer in the multicultural beauty care market with such brands as Soft & Beautiful, Just For Me, Motions, and TCB.

Ernie, That is Starbucks on Main Street in Venice California. Great town, traffic sucks like hell. Cool point of interest. Just south of this location is the original Chiat/Day ad agency and the buildings still there with Big Ass Binoculars as a structural feature. See attached. Obligatory ass kissing,love the site, blah blah blah. Stay cool on the East Coast and we will continue to enjoy our balmy 75 degrees here in sunny So-Cal. Paul

The job of the testicles is to make sperm and the job of the scrotum is to modulate the temperature of the testicles so that the production of sperm is optimal. In order to do this the scrotum can relax and cool the testicles by allowing them to be farther from the body, or it can contract to bring them closer to the body, thus warming them up. The reason for the wrinkles is that the skin must be long enough to cover it while it is fully relaxed, and when it contracts partially the skin bunches up and has wrinkles. If you notice, your scrotum probably has less wrinkles after you get out of a hot bath or shower. This is because the scrotum has relaxed because the testicles are warm.

What's that, 1080p and 60 frames per second? The hype is real. DOOM 4 IS REAL. Except... it's not called Doom 4. It's called simply “DOOM” and it's just been announced at QuakeCon 2014 today, with id Software showing off first footage. I am buying the fuck out of this game.

And do you know what I would be doing if I were in the bathroom with this naked girl? That's right, I'd be sneezing my ass off because I'm allergic to cats.


July 17, 2014

It's Just A Bullshit Word. So You Go On And Stamp Your Form, Sonny, And Stop Wasting My Time .

The cat o' nine tails is a type of multi-tailed whip that originated as an implement for severe physical punishment, notably in the Royal Navy and Army of the United Kingdom, and also as a judicial punishment in Britain and some other countries. And since there are two of them laid over that wooden beamn, I presume this photo was taken at the BDSM themed Folsom Street Fair, in San Francisco during Leather Pride week.

Sure, Mario Gotze may have won the World Cup for Germany, but his girlfriend Ann-Kathrin Brommel has won the internet, and our hearts.

With that front door wide open, there had better be a screen door otherwise the cat is going to get out.

Attention Las Vegas'ers. Or at least those of you familiar with Law vegas. First, where is this photo taken from? I can never remember that short building with the red lights. And second, there's another pleasure strongly associated with Vegas that is constantly pulsing underneath the flashy surface. I'm talking about the all-you-can-eat buffet. So here are nine of the most acclaimed buffets in Sin City, enjoy.

So my Police Scanner App alerted me that 6000+ were listening to Stockton CA's Police band. A little search showed a bank robbery with hostages ...Notice the Homeland Security vehicle right up to the vehicle? Maybe they do come in handy. -Ryan

Actually, that's not a Homeland Security vehicle -- if you look at a high resolution version of that photo, you'll notice it's a Lenco Bearcat that belongs tot he Stockton police. According to Wikipedia, the Bearcat is a "wheeled armored personnel carrier designed for military and law enforcement use." But if you scroll tot he bottom, the only military applications it has are things such as, "Nuclear Missile Convoy Protection, US Army Military Base Security, Perimeter Patrol & Security" -- e.g. the military police, so it's pretty much a police vehicle. And at about 17,000-pounds, it's a far cry from the BAE Systems' 60,000-pound MRAPs that are working their way into America's police forces. For a more street friendly comparison, think of the Bearcat as this 2013 Ford F450 Lariat (GVWR 18,000-pounds) versus this 2013 International 7600 SFA 6x4 (GVWR 60,000-pounds). What do we call that? Science. Yeah, Mr. White! Yeah, Science!

A micropenis is an unusually small penis whose common criterion is a dorsal erect penile length of at least 2.5 standard deviations smaller than the mean human penis size; or smaller than about 2.5 inches for an adult when compared to an average erection of 5 inches. The condition is usually recognized shortly after birth. Micropenis occurs in about 0.6% of males.

Miramar is located on Ibiza, cant use google streetwiev to find the exact place, but in the habour of Botafoch there is a place called Miramar. Jan

I'm not entirely convinced. I'm sure there is a place there called Miramar, but there are also four other places there in Europe; and that doesn't include the hundrerds of buildings scattered across the continent, which just so happened to ne named Miramar. Besides, the Miramar building in question doesn't seem to be as high classed as the one in Ibiza.

Does anyone out there need a free Daniel Defense DDM4v9 rifle? Enter to Win! And if not, you can still find some nice ARs for under $700.

Pizza is one of the most frequently eaten foods in the United States. It is quick, easy, and readily available in almost every town. When adding a ton of toppings like pepperoni, sausage, and other calorie holders, it is easy to quickly increase this part of the nutrition scale. When looking to lose weight, a hot cheese pizza may be the best option in order to avoid all the extra calories.


July 16, 2014

Sox Fan Or Not, Jeter is One Of The Greatest Players Of This Generation.

Derek Jeter led off the first for the AL and was greeted by a prolonged standing ovation. Every time it seemed to be fading a bit, the ovation picked up volume. National League starting catcher Jonathan Lucroy respectfully backed away from home plate to let Jeter have not only center stage, but pretty much the entire stage. The NL starting pitcher, Adam Wainwright, placed his glove on the mound and walked a respectful distance away. Jeter doffed his helmet, and acknowledged the cheers. "Adam had his glove on the mound, and I tried to tell him to pick it up, let's go," Jeter said. "But he took a moment and let the fans give me an ovation, which I'll always remember. He's one of the best pitchers in the game and for him to do that says a lot about him and how much of a class act he is." Jeter then responded to this outpouring of respect and affection with a solid double down the right-field line. And now, the hottest wives and girlfriends of the MLB All-Star game!

The Grumman F-9 Cougar was an aircraft carrier-based fighter aircraft for the United States Navy. Based on Grumman's earlier F9F Panther, the Cougar replaced the Panther's straight wing with a more modern swept wing. The only version of the Cougar to see combat was the TF-9J trainer; and after a tough day of flying on an aircraft carrier, the Cougars were always washed and they use the hooks to hang the planes over the side to dry out.

The first time I saw the Dutch national soccer team playing in the World Cup, I wondered -- as many people do -- "What's the deal with all the fans wearing orange?" The colors of the Dutch flag are red, white and blue -- there's no orange at all. So what's the Netherlands' relationship with the color orange? The answer: Orange is the color of the Dutch Royal Family. The lineage of the current dynasty -- the House of Oranje-Nassau -- dates back to Willem van Oranje (William The orange). So while the color orange has royal roots in the Netherlands, today it symbolizes a broader pride in the country and in being Dutch.

Out of the world's current population of over 7 billion people, less than 1,600 have a net worth of a billion dollars or more. Here are 10 people who came into $1 billion dollars before they could even have a midlife crisis.

Okay, moderately hard PHOTO CHALLENGE: where is she having coffee? Unfortunately the people with the delivery truck let their domain xgs2u.com expire, and it has since been picked up by spammers. But I managed to find an old homestwad site here, and it turns out they're a mobile pet grooming company based out of Torrance, California. There's a bank at the end of the street -- blue sign -- that I can't quite make out.

FLASHBACK: A 250-pound bear stranded under a bridge near Lake Tahoe was saved by an army of rescuers, a tranquilizer dart and a nylon net bought at an Army surplus store. Claw marks on the concrete railing of the Rainbow Bridge show where the bruin's ordeal began, said Dave Baker of the Truckee BEAR League, who was the first to arrive on the scene Sept. 15. It was walking across the span on Highway 40 near Donner Summit in the Sierra Nevada when at least two oncoming cars spooked it, causing it to jump over the railing. At one point it was dangling over the edge of the 80-foot-high bridge, but it caught a ledge and pulled itself onto a concrete girder beneath the bridge... continue...

Very difficult --if not down right impossible -- PHOTO CHALLENGE: Where is the Miramar Apartment building? At firs I thought it would be in Miramar, Florida, then I noticed the license plates; those are the long European style, if I'm not mistaken. So I dunno, somewhere in Europe?

Queen's Bath is a unique tide pool on the island of Kaua'i, Hawaii. The pool is a sinkhole surrounded by igneous rock, located on the north shore of Kaua'i near the town of Princeville. It was formed after a lava tube collapsed and filled with fresh water supplied by natural springs. In ancient times only the Ali'i (Royalty) were permitted entry to the sacred waters. The swimming area is accessible via a short trail. During the winter when wave activity is violent, it is considered dangerous which is probably why these kids weren't expecting to get swept out to sea. Dumb fuckers. Anyway, here are some other astonishing facts about Hawaii.

Marlboro is the largest selling brand of cigarettes in the world. It is made by Philip Morris within the US, and by Philip Morris International outside the US. It is well known for its billboard advertisements, magazine ads of the Marlboro Man, and its long associated history in the sponsorship of motorsport. Richmond, Virginia, is the location of the largest Marlboro cigarette manufacturing plant. The red and white package was designed by the Designer Frank Gianninoto. The repositioning of Marlboro as a men's cigarette was handled by Chicago advertiser Leo Burnett.

Old and busted: Sarah Silverman's Black NRA. The new hotness: AlfonZo's rebuttal.

got a lot of respect for ya Ernie. long time Yankee fan here but I go to fenway all the time (my buddy has had season tix since 1947, closer to home plate than the pitchers mound). why? because im a fan of baseball. After Jeter leaves I just may do a "reverse- damon".I would have done it earlier but we had Mariano, Posada, and Jeter while you had ASSHOLES like Pappelbohn, Beckett and Millar! But Fenway Park, now THATS baseball! The Lt.

Nah it's cool. I painstakingly compiled this list of New York Yankees I consider to be assholes, excluding Jeter, of course. And yeah, I do miss Fenway. The REAL Fenway, that is, not the knock off they have down here.

When I found this subway scene from Blade 3, it instantly reminded me of the best survival horror games scene. Anyway, I had fistumbled across this low quality version with a different soundtrack -- The Crystal method's Name of the Game. So I looked up the official soundtrack and sure enough, Velocity Shift by Rob Overseer is the correct one, Chica!

PROTIP for the ladies: Don't try on a bathing suit without keeping your undies on. While most of them come with a plastic sanitary pad inside, most customers don't remove them after trying their swimsuits on. So chances are you're sitting your crotch on the SAME exact liner the person before you had on. You can ask for a fresh one, but keeping your panties on is your safest bet!

Here's something interesting. "The U.S. government is 16+ trillion dollars in debt and rapidly digging the hole deeper, is suffering through a major economic downturn the likes of which not seen since the Great Depression, and on the heels of a 13+ year old multi-front war the U.S. Army has decided it's time to dump the M9 service pistol in favor of a yet to be determined replacement." So if this actually happens, there is going to be a shit ton of surplus 9mm ammunition dropped on the market -- presuming He Who Shall Not be Named doesn't block that, too -- meaning the proce of 9mm will go down, and .45ACP will go through the roof.


ERNIE CAM

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