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December 15, 2008

Buying A Second Handgun.

I did make it to the gun show this weekend and IT SUCKED COCK. It was horrible. It was nothing but one large convention center filled to the brim with sorrow and disappointment. Ruger LCPs which I can order online for $330, were being sold for $449. No shit. The Kahr PM9, which I can drive down to the local Bass & Pro Shop and buy for $699, were being sold for $829. No fucking shit. It was like a Bizarro World where instead of everything being less expensive, everything was marked up 20% and people were fucking buying it. A box of fucking bullets that I can buy for $21.95 was marked $31. I literally couldn't believe it. And after walking around this place in stunned silence for the better part of an hour, I finally found a guy who was reasonably priced. He has Bersa .380 CC's for $325 -- which was still too high, but lower than the other lunatics were selling them for. In the end, I decided that if I was going to pay full retail money for a gun, I'd rather spend the money at a local merchant and not support some guy from the other side of the state. So that Saturday afternoon, I left the gun show very, very pissy and with all of my money still in my pocket.

I awoke Sunday morning to the realization that if I just buy this fucking Bersa, my quest is done and over with. No more searching online, no more reading reviews, no more virtual comparisons by toggling between two web pages. Just done. So back to the gun show I went, forking over another $8 to get inside, and march up to the guy's stand. This Bald Headed Fuck of about 55 or so comes over. I'm all business, literally cash in hand and pointing to the Bersa, "What's the cash price on this gun?" The guy furrows his brow for a second and says, "$300 plus tax." Eh, it's not a great price, but it's not horrible either; besides I'm already into this fucking thing for $16 plus parking. "I can live with that," I say and motion to the guy that I'll take it. He starts looking through his bins for one in a box and can't find one, which means I have to take the floor model. Meh, the slide and trigger are zip-locked down so aside from having a bunch of fingerprints on it, that's no big deal.

As he's putting the display model's box together, he sets the Bersa down on a plexiglas case where he keeps all his sub-compact guns, including a Kel-Tec P3AT. This was another gun I was considering, but couldn't find any at the show and I didn't give it much thought until now. I figured now is as good a time as any for a closer look. "Is that a P3AT?" I inquire. BHF leans down and with an impatient and tired voice, reads the side of the gun, "Kel-Tec P3AT, yes sir, that's what it says." Now here I'd like to note two things. First, passive aggressive shit doesn't bother me. Some people take great offense at back handed comments like this, that but not me. If anything, I almost feel a weird sense of power over the person, because I know the slightest actions on my part are getting them all bent out of shape. I feed on that. And two, hey if I looked a little close at the gun, I'd have read 'P3AT' and not had to ask a question when the answer was right in front of my face. So I'll give him that one.

"May I see the Kel Tec, please?" He moves the Bersa aside, opens the plexiglas display case, and retrieved the Kel-Tec which has a green olive drab grip. Not my first choice of colors, but let's be honest handguns aren't supposed to be fashion statements. The P3AT is very light in my hands, almost a little too light maybe? I work the slide a couple of times, test out the trigger pull, work the magazine release a few times. Being somewhat of a n00b at this, I give the BHF a little opportunity to work the salesman angle and ask him, "Which of these two do you prefer?" I'm expecting him to point out the highs of one of the two models, probably the one he's got he higher profit margin on. BHF's response surprised me almost as much as the apathy in which he said it, "They're two different guns sir." That's it. That's his advice. Two different guns?! Why you don't say! Thanks for the fucking news flash, Mr. Cronkite! I will admit, I was a little stunned at that one.

And I don't know about you, but my hands aren't postage scales, so while reading "17.8oz" and "7.2oz" is nice, I'd kind of like to hold each in my hand to do a little weigh-off. "May I hold the Bersa?" "Didn't you just see the Bersa, Sir?" Okay. Dude. I'm patient as can be, but maybe I'm not so impervious to this passive aggressive stuff as I had first thought. So I fired back a little bit, "Actually, no. I didn't hold the Bersa, I just point to it. So, can I hold the Bersa, please." He hands me the Bersa with a sigh, and I do a little scales of justice thing to see just how much heavier one is over the other. The Bersa is, but not by much, so I decided two things. One, I'm going to get that one and two I'm going to bust his balls a little bit first. I rephrase my earlier question and ask, "So which of these two guns do you like?" while still looking down at the two guns in my hand. Another long sigh. "They're two different guns sir, I can't tell you which one you like." Jesus, how much shit am I going to have to eat from this asshole? Listen you're not doing me any fucking favors here pal, and I'm not asking for a free handout. And I have to admit that to my own surprise I found myself handing the Kel-Tec back to him and telling him I'll take the Bersa. Jesus, when is this going to be over?

BHF takes the guns back, and writes, "$300 + TAX" on a small yellow Post-It, sticks it to the Bersa and places both on a table where two women are guiding customers through all the necessary paperwork. "You have to sit down and fill out one of these yellow forms, Sir." he says to me. I heard him but apparently I didn't react quickly enough because he repeated himself in a little louder voice, "You have to sit down and fill out one of these yellow forms, Sir." Like a sheep, I did. At this point I'm kind of on auto-pilot and just want to get the purchase done and over with. I sat down and put my CCW permit and drivers license on the table. One of the women handed me a clipboard with a yellow form snapped tightly in its jaws. I don't know what the form was, because even though I was looking at it, I wasn't focused. The drone of noise from the gun show going on around me faded off into the silence. And I had an epiphany; I wasn't going to buy a gun from an asshole. And as if someone snapped their fingers to bring me out of a trance, I suddenly shook myself awake and set the clipboard back down on the counter. What the hell was I doing? I wasn't about to buy a gun, I was about to sell my soul. "Fuck this," I mumbled to the surprise of the BHF and the woman sitting across the table from me. I reached over, scooped up my CCW and license, and walked away leaving the Bersa sitting there on the table.

I left the same gun show for the second time in two days, only this time I wasn't empty handed. I learned two things about myself. One, I learned I wasn't going to buy a gun from an asshole. And two, I was very unnerved at how close I had almost come to allowing myself to be bullied. I mean I caught myself at the end, sure, but it never should have gotten that far. I should have told the BHF to go piss up a rope long before I found myself staring at an empty clipboard. It's like I spaced out or something. I don't know if it was a comfort level thing because I'm still the n00b or what. But I do know that won't happen again.

Anyway, on the way home I stopped at Fowler Firearms in Fort Myers, which is the indoor range I shoot at. I talked with Josh who is the instructor that gave my me CCW class two years ago and to his credit he remembered both me and what type of gun I have, even though I haven't been there in six months. After explaining what I was looking for and what models I was looking at, he showed me a Kel-Tec PF-9. It's made here in Florida and is the lightest and flattest 9mm currently on the market. It felt good in my hand, heavier than the P3AT but MUCH lighter than my G30. Craftsmanship is good -- not great like a Glock or Sig Sauer-- but it's no Saturday Night special, either. Their price was $320, which is about $40-$50 higher than I can find one for on the internet but you know what; that's okay. After the gun show experience I had just had, followed by the fact that Josh not only remembered me but took the time to answer my questions -- as any salesman should, really -- was good enough for me. Plus hell, when you buy a gun from Fowler they give you six hours of range time, which is something I would have otherwise had to pay for anyway. So eh, it all works out in the end. A box of JHP's and an IWB holster later, and I've got a gun I can conceal in shorts and a t-shirt, at half the cost of a PM9. I might have to shoot you twice to do it but I can safely say, mission accomplished. And no, I didn't tell Josh who I voted for.


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