funny pictures
sexy videos
free webcams




E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

GO HOME BALL  -   articles - search - features - pictures - videos - tasteless - tits  -   WEBCAMS

jealous? click here to get your website on for as little as $5 per day


Any Port In A Storm

Many would agree the dream of a threesome with lesbians is the ultimate male fantasy. I’m not so sure anymore.

I begin this story with the introduction of Sue. She worked for me on a part-time basis doing basic tasks on weekends and evenings at my office. In her early forties, Sue got the job as she was the only applicant for a suck-ass minimum-wage job with horrible hours, and she was handicapped. She was a placement by the local employment service for the tards and while she wasn’t the almond-eyed mongoloid we’ve all come to know and love, she was the chemically infused head case who heard voices and occasionally went off the deep end. She was also extremely fat, had trouble walking, and a crew cut that would make a Marine proud. Either way, she showed up, did her job, and didn’t complain about the mindless tasks I gave her.

Sue worked for me for a couple years, during which we had time to idly chit-chat about life in general. I came to find out she lived with another woman, and they were lesbians. They both were in and out of mental institutions and living off whatever Sue made and their government support checks. The sob story may have been something to feel pity about, but I couldn’t bleach my mind’s eye of the thought of someone going down on her. Finally, she decided she didn’t want to work anymore, so she quit. When she came in for her final paycheck, she sat in my office and confided in me that she was actually bisexual, and she really wanted me but wouldn’t tell me that while I was still her supervisor. The revolting concept actually gave me chills. I figured I’d never hear from Sue again.

In my home life I found out my wife had been having an affair with several different guys and ended up pregnant. I knew it wasn’t mine as it had been more than two years since I’d fucked her. Why was I still there you ask? Well, it was complicated and not germane to this story so I’ll leave it at that. Either way, I’d been doing the five-knuckle shuffle for way too long and with this new revelation, it was time for me to do some hunting, and I was going to shoot the first one I found.

I was driving around town, and saw Sue sitting at a bus stop. I pulled up in front of her and asked her if I could give her a lift somewhere. She gratefully accepted, and said she was headed to the local soup kitchen for a meal. Being the generous guy I am, I offered to take her out to lunch at some cheap diner. Excited, she asked if her girlfriend could come too, as the restaurant I picked was only around the corner from their place. Sure, why not.

When Lady (yes, that’s her name) showed up, I nearly knocked over my coffee just looking at her. It was a squeeze for her to get through the door of the diner, and Sue went to help hold the door so Lady and her aluminum walker could maneuver to the table. Sue may have looked like a barrel with a butch cut and boobs, but Lady was massive. From the squinty pig eyes and triple chin all the way down to the cankles, she was easily four bills large of pork rinds, hot dogs, lithium and prozac. I ordered a beer.

After the meal ended and I had a few more beers in me, the talk turned to sex. In no time at all, Lady and Sue had offered a blowjob in return for my hospitality and lunch. As I said earlier, it had been two years of jacking off and the mere mention of a blowjob flushed me a little. I figured what the hell, if my eyes are closed it really shouldn’t matter.

I paid the tab and we made our way back to their apartment. I’ve seen pictures of apartments like this on ‘Cops’ and ‘Ripley’s Believe It Or Not’. Piles of garbage were completely covering the floor, except for paths leading to various areas of the one-bedroom hovel. I had to take a leak, so I waded back to the bathroom. When I came back, all I saw was skin. A huge fleshy pile of fat. Lady and Sue had both stripped, and were waiting for me. Lady was sitting on her bed, propped up against the wall bearing a striking resemblance to Jabba The Hutt while she pinched and kneaded her equally massive tits. Sue was laying back next to Lady plunging a purple vibrator deep in her own snatch. Lady went first, grabbing my rod and choking it all the way down, going after it like it was a ballpark frank on opening day at Shea. Meanwhile, Sue was slurping on Lady’s tits, and her fist had disappeared beneath the rolls of fat.

After a few minutes of this, Sue grabbed ahold and started chugging my cock while Lady rolled forward and started eating Sue’s pussy. Soon enough I was ready to blow, and shot a couple ropes right in Sue’s eyes. Lady then grabbed me and started cleaning off my dick with her mouth, which recharged the internal batteries much faster than I had anticipated. Now they were both fingering each other and taking turns slurping on me when Sue leaned back and said she wanted me to fuck her. I may have been desperate, but I wasn’t completely stupid, and had spied a box of rubbers in the pile of trash in their room. I grabbed two, and put BOTH of them on.

I then started pumping away on Sue’s snatch while Lady bit her nipples. The sounds were getting louder and louder, and Sue started screaming and scratching her fingernails into her own arms, making them bleed. With that, I pulled out and shoved that purple vibrator in her, then moved over to Lady. I pushed her back, then did a deadlift on the lowest roll of FUP (Fat Upper Pussy). I uncovered a bush that hadn’t seen daylight since the Carter Administration, but I didn’t care at that point. I started pounding her, while fucking Sue with the vibrator. As I pushed against Lady, I was moving layers of fat that apparently hadn’t been cleaned out in a while, as there was caked dirt between the layers. That was enough for me, so I pulled out and stripped off the two raincoats and finished myself off, shooting on Lady’s huge tits. Sue was spent, laying motionless on the bed, Lady was licking my jism off her tits, and I was still almost fully clothed. Snapping out of the post! nut-busting haze, I got a solid look at my surroundings and realized where I was and what I had done. Without a word, I zipped up and walked out of the door, and never looked back.

I still see them shuffling around town sometimes, but I’ve changed jobs, homes, and cars so it’s unlikely they’d ever be able to track me down if they wanted to. I can’t help but think there’s probably still a wad of my cum in one of Lady’s fat rolls to this day, and that actually makes me laugh.

~ One Sick fuck

credit given to original author if known

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

... more ...


all other materials are property of their respective owners!