E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

I like my Muslims like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee.

Q. What do Sarah Palin and the Iron Man suit have in common?
A. They've both had a Downey Junior inside.

You can say a lot of bad things about pedophiles....but at least they drive slowly past schools.

Q. What is the most polite thing to do when meeting the son of God?
A. Try not to stare at those fucking holes in his hands.

Q. what is the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout?
A. The Boy Scout comes home from camp

Q. Why don't black kids get presents on Christmas.
A. We gave the blacks Kwanza! Now they want presents! Whats next, desegregated schools!?

Q. Why do Jews celebrate Hanukah?
A. The cheap bastards won't pay for trees and lights.

Q. How do they celebrate christmas in Prison?
A. They stick trees up your ass.

Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.

For pedophiles, children are always a touchy subject

Q. What did the mongoloid say to his dog?
A. Downsyndrome

Q. Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
A. At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 5000 miles, whichever came first.

Q. How do you get a man to do situps?
A. Put the remote control between his toes

An Israeli soldier who had only just enlisted asked his Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO said, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that kind of recognition!" The very next day the soldier came back driving an Arab tank! The CO was very impressed and gave the soldier his 3-day pass. One of the other new recruits took him aside and asked how he had managed to single-handedly capture an Arab tank. "Simple" said the soldier, I jumped in one of our tanks and headed towards the border. As I approached the border, I saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. Then I said to the Arab soldier, 'How would you like to get a 3-day pass?'

Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q. Why do women fake orgasm?
A. Because men fake foreplay!

Q. Why do men talk so dirty?
A. So they can wash their mouth out with beer.

Q. After a woman has died, what is the only organ in her body that stays warm?
A. My cock.

I like my women like I like my filesystems, FAT and 16

Q. What's -this- tall, black and blue, and HATES giving head?
A. Your son.

Q. Why do Polish people have such beautiful noses?
A. They're handpicked.

Q. What do you call a pretty girl in England?
A. A tourist.

Q. Did you hear about the Polish car pool?
A. They all meet at work.

Q. What do you call a black Frenchman?
A. Jacques Custodian.

An obviously gay guy swished onto a bus to face a derogatory sneer from the massive bus driver. 'Faggot,' he growled, 'where're your pearls?' 'Pearls with corduroy!' shrieked the gay. 'Are you MAD?'