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It was a few Decembers ago and I was still in the Navy. An associate of mine (also a squid) decided that we should head south to Tijuana for a Mexican Sexual Escapade. Who am I to argue, so off we go.

We get into Tijuana, but the broads are really nasty so we take the chicken-bus down to Ensenada. After spending some time getting lubed at Papas & Beer, we head out in search of ass. It seemed that all the American women were already dragging some sap around by his dick so we did what came natural to us. We looked for skeezers.



I'm bonking my girl and Bob and I are watching each other's activities and laughing at each other. About this time, he grabs a beer off the nightstand and takes a swig. Next thing, he's spitting it at me through his teeth. We're laughing and carrying on, and his girl starts some shit in Spanish. Apparently she's not getting into the shenanigans.

So Bob does what any good sailor in this situation would do: he spits beer in her face, in order that she might share in the festivities. I thought that it was nice of him to include her in our shared celebration of lewdness. The girl didn't think it was funny though, actually she took it as an insult, and started trying to kick him off of her and out of the bed.

Now my girl is talking to the other chick and she grabs my pubes and starts yanking in an attempt to end our session. This bad behavior was not in my plans- hey, I just paid fifty bucks and this bitch didn't even get spit on and now she wants to high-tail it out of there before I bust a nut? Hell no!

So Bob and I are discussing what the fuck we are going to do, still humping the broads, when he starts farting. We're talking LOUD, squeaky, ripping farts; the kind that make your ass feel like it's being split with a razor blade. And the smell- did I mention we didn't eat that day, instead we stayed hungry in order to maximize our buzz.

I'm laughing so hard that I completely lost my hard-on, and it's all I can do to keep this broad underneath me from ripping my balls off. Bob, on the other hand, was still banging away on his girl and about this time one of his farts goes liquid. He reaches behind him, wipes his ass onto his hand, and cleans it by wiping it onto his girl's face.

My girl saw this and expecting the same from me, balls up her fist and smacks me in the forehead. Too much. Mister Nice Guy is now getting bent. So I do what any good Ambassador of the United States Navy does in a situation like this: I pull out and start pissing on her.

Bob sees this and being quick witted starts singing "My Corona" to the tune of The Knack's hit "My Sharona." As I empty what was left of "My Corona" all over this chick's face and tits, Bob pulls out his cock and shoots a load of spooge all over his girl's face, making special efforts to get some in her hair.

I mean to say that this grand finale took what was left of the fight out of our honeys. They were both so mortified of what had transpired that when we got off of them they actually curled up into the fetal position and began sobbing. This was a relief to us, as we weren't sure up to this point how we were going to get out of there.

To make sure they didn't come after us, we wiped up the piss, shit, and spooge with their blouses and then liberated the receiver from the phone. On the way out the door Bob yelled "Remember the Alamo!" and we got the fuck out of Mexico quicker than Newt Gingrich can divorce a cancer-ridden spouse on her deathbed.

Cheers, Dammit