E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

1. The Ever Elusive Arabic Cab Driver -- 25 points. Since nobody got this the first round... here we go again! You need a picture of a OBVIOUSLY Middle Eastern cab driver behind the wheel of their taxi. [+15 points if they're wearing a turban, +15 points if they hold the sign, +DNR in effect]

2. Backdraft -- 30 points. A picture of standing (a safe distance away) in front of a car or house fire. Fire trucks/firefighters must be present so we know you aren't staging the photo by torching your old DeSoto. [+15 points if firehose is mid stream, +15 points for an "aftermath" photo, +DNR in effect]

3. Heckling Abortion Protesters -- 30 points. Daytime photo. You must place your EHOWA sign on a wooden stick and mingle with abortion protesters carrying their own whacked-out signs. [+15 points if there is a uniformed priest/nun in the photo, +15 points for a picture of you in a screaming match with said priest/nun, +DNR in effect]

4. Fifteen Minutes of Fame -- 25 points. I've always wanted to be on stage, and you're going to get me there. You must get a photo of a musician holding your EHOWA sign on an elevated stage. Photo must be taken back a bit so that the crowd is in the photo too. No, I don't expect Metallica, but the band at your cousin's wedding won't do either. This has to be taken in a club of some sort. [+15 points if they're doing the tongue lashing thing like Gene Simmons, +15 points if there's an accordian, +DNR in effect]

5. Flender Blender -- 35 points. A picture of you standing in front of a (non-fatal thank you) automobile accident involving two JAPANESE cars. At least one of the following must be present in this one as well, so we know the pic isn't being staged with two pre-dented cars: Fire Dept, EMS, or Police. [+15 points if two or more are present, +15 points for additional pic of cars being towed by American towtruck, +DNR in effect]

6. Osama you Asshole -- 30 points. A male of your team must dress like non other than Osama himself. Minimum costume apparrel is a beard and turban -- no prefabricated rubber masks allowed this has to be your own costume. You must then hang a "Osama is an Asshole" sign around your neck and get a picture standing with a firefighter. Their faces/engine #'s will be blurred upon request. [+15 points if it's in front of fire truck, +15 points if they're holding a fire axe, +DNR in effect]

7. A Drink For Sergeant Zeno -- 25 points. You must buy a drink for Sgt Zeno, Gulf War vet, author of countless Tasteless Tuesday stories, and fellow administrator of the Forums. Use the email address "zeno@ehowa.com" to contact him, he knows you're coming. NOTE: YOU must do All the work to get Zeno the drink... Zeno is very lazy and all he wants to do is show up to his favorite bar, identify himself and get handed a beer. You may NOT just simply mail him a $5 bill, or use paypal or any other means to get the funds to Zeno...that involves work on his end. It's up to you to coordinate/convince the bartender at the establishment to do your bidding. Zeno will scan the sales receipt and send me a picture as proof of your kindness, this will be your team's entry. [+15 points if you can get a female bartender/waitress to write "I Love EHOWA" with a big heart sign on the recepit, +DNR NOT in effect]

8. It Ain't The Love Boat -- 25 points. Daytime photo. The photographer of your team is standing atop a bridge spanning a decent sized body of water (i.e. no creeks I can jump across). A male and female of your team are below them in a boat holding an EHOWA sign. Simple enough, right? Oh, I almost forgot. The two in the boat are naked. [+15 points if a non-powered boat (rowboat, canoe or raft), +15 points for any visible spectators in other boats/on shore, +DNR NOT in effect (it's required!)]

9. On A Steel Horse I Ride -- 30 points. One of your team must mount (heh heh) a military vehicle and hold an EHOWA sign. Vehicle MUST be fully functional active duty, Reserve, or National Guard... decomissioned vehicles such as those made into a memorial do not count. [+15 points if weapons/weapon systems are clearly visible, +15 points if it's painted desert camouflage, +DNR in effect]

Tits On A Stick -- Variable Points. What are "tits on a stick"? That's the team I use for a really thin petite girl with huge boobs. You must seek one of these girls out and get a picture of her and her bra tag. She may keep the bra on for these photos. Two required photos: One from the front with her thrusting her lovelies out and holding the EHOWA sign. The second a closeup of the bra tag itself with the size CLEARLY LEGIBLE. If you have a piece of shit camera that doesn't do good close-ups, get a photo of you ripping the tag off and then scan/email me a third pic as well. [+DNR in effect but ONLY for the the tits on a stick girl] Points are as follows: